The True Cost of Coal

Holy Shit!

We launched the True Cost of Coal today! You may have gotten an email from the beehive today (if not- you should be signed up) letting you and the rest of the world know- we did it! It's done!

Not only is the coal poster officially hatched- but so is a new website and particularly a new webstore that look SO great and are so much easier to use then the last one!

And, as to be expected- i made cupcakes to celebrate! The whole hive has been super busy getting things ready and up, but there have been a dedicated few who have been zombies to the computer in order to get things out and ready. So for them particularly- celebration cupcakes were in order.


Also, other very exciting news from the Beehive. I'm going to go on tour with the hive this fall! I don't know exactly where the tour will lead me- possibly down the east coast- but I'll be traveling from mid september to mid december. That means I'll be back in Ohio for the holidays and have decided to stay until mid January- which means I'll have an entire month for family and friends, central ohio, athens, and clevland! Then- to rock creek, WV- to give it a whirl and see what I can make work. (What I have yet to problem solve is my court date- but that will work out- right?)

Woo!

homesick and bike ride cure

Yesterday was an unreasonable hard day. I missed Athens, a lot. I missed my friends, a lot. I missed my family, a lot. I was homesick. I don't know that I've ever felt very homesick before. Maybe that's because Athens felt so much like home pretty quickly, or that it was so close to where I grew up. Maybe it's because every time I've been away I've known it wasn't that long until I returned. Or maybe because for the first time in my life I really felt connected to a place and to the people there, and have a fear that those connections will fade away the longer I'm away.

I got a photo message on facebook, that on any other day would have made me really happy but that day, made me cry.

And I had a headache and have generally been feeling slightly ill. Plus a continuous back ache that is reminiscent of the kind I used to get in highschool. All of this lead to a really awful mood that I couldn't shake. So, I decided to go for a bike ride. I got all ready, and literally as I was ready to walk out the door, it began to rain. The world was actively working against me.

But that night was a full moon bike ride, which I had forgotten about, until I was reminded about 10 min before we needed to leave.

Anyone want to go on the full moon bike ride?
No.
Well... actually... yes.

So I went for a ride. It felt so good. My biggest challenge was remembering that I wasn't actually flying and closing my eyes as I let go of my handle bars was not the safest idea. I got back to the house and felt SO much better. My body was happier, and so was my mind.

Today I woke up and decided to forget yesterday and start fresh. Favorite skirt, check. Bow in my hair, check. Ready to get some work done, check. Come downstairs and bam! A lovely message in my fb inbox and a great letter laying on top of my computer.



(a view from a random spot along the bike route. this part of maine has the biggest tidal changes in the world- so in high tide all that crazy sand/mud would be ocean water. woah.)

And I decided to go for that same bike ride I did last night during the day and see it a little better (and go completely at my own pace). The Music: Janina's mix she made me before I left Athens (perfect). The ride is just over 11 miles, and I was out for well over an hour when I added in some stretching over the Bad Little Falls.


(look mom! I'm wearing a helmet! {no seriously- i took this so my mom would be proud i've started wearing a helmet)

Got home, and the whole house smells like amazing dinner, which I can't wait for.

I am so spoiled.

a good sign

today, i braved the world of listening to my 'athens' playlist. music from athens. i had to stop listening to it the day i left, because it made me feel too sad and made me miss being there too much.

but! today was a good sign. when i turned it on, the first song to play was naturally 'so much fun' by spooktober but the magical part, was that it didn't make me sad, it made me really happy. i figured this is a good sign that my summer has been going well.



since leaving Erins farm in Gill (she let us take her car- which is a stick shift- so i was really nervous to drive it and had to be the only driver), we headed out to meet up with everyone else near stranton (ME). And on the 4th a few of us went out with Kehben to the 4th of July parade in athens, ME. We missed the parade but caught the end of this totally ridiculous and wonderful skit thing the folks there put on every year. each year, it has a different theme- this year it was about the oil spill.

i wish i had photos, but i don't. so image a bunch of people all decked out in america gear, cheering on a diy theater presentation that basically says fuck you corporations and government- this is our country. it's way more crazy than that just made it sound. damn, i really should have taken a photo.

then today we left straton and drove to machias. on the drive, the car almost broke down! i'm not even kidding. it had a really hard time going up hills or downshifting, so we pulled off. we pulled out the owners manual and found out it was the a) belt or b) alternator. a fella who worked at the truck stop told us it was the alternator and we would be able to drive it home without it breaking down. this makes it- 4/4 cars i spent time in since leaving athens ohio that have had a least minor problems. i blame my mother for this super power.


and now i'm in machias. erin and i made dinner with a fella who was taking care of the cats and then i got a tour of the HUGE house. it's insane. i'm going to get a tour or town and bike to the beach tomorrow! so exciting!

brown town

jumping together with a smile larger than possible
the last strike and everyone knew.
as i walked towards those gnarly stairs,
my shirt wet with sweat, i looked over my shoulder.

it was an embrace that said thanks.
thanks for everything we don't know how to put into words
and for all the times we tried
it said this is the end of an era

i don't know if that's what it said for them
but as i watched it, i felt it inside
walking up those stairs
leaving a room humid with sweat
i knew it might be my last.

maybe its an end to an era
maybe its just the first of a series
i cant really tell yet but i know
it feels like i've broken up with someone i love
and i can't even convince myself they aren't worth the tears


-------------

yesterday, emily played at a brown town show. it wasn't a last, but it was close. needless to say, i was feeling sentimental. she played a song for every season. i can't recall the exact lyrics, but her winer song went something to the effect of 'isn't it strange, that i finally feel at home and now i'm leaving?'

i almost cried. it's weird when others say what you feel better than you can, but it happens. especially in music.

i've loved athens for many years, but never have i felt such love and connection as i do now. i finally feel like i really know what a home it, what a place can be, and the connections that can be built.

but, in less than one week- i'll leave.

bike co-op

So the Athens Bike Co-Op is super cool, and I feel they are pretty under appreciated (I for one, under appreciate them). But they are super great, and do great stuff for our community. Just a shout out.

Also, they recently posted some useful Bike stuff online, and wanted to pass it on.

and for cars

keepin it positive

it's been a really challenging day (namely- the information that my lawyer has dropped my g20 case without leaving me enough time to get a public defender. cool.) but, i also realize that this day ruiner is just a bump, but really shits pretty wonderful.

a) spending so many days and evenings with wonderful friends. drinking beers, riding bikes, eating food, watching movies, gardening, having sleepovers.

b) i am feeling confident in my ability to move to wv in the fall and have things work out well there- including the exciting news that i can (and will) make the case for having a bed i call my own (with sheets!) and that can happen, there can be an increase in vegetables within the meals, car insurance can in one way or another be covered, and committing to 1 year with a 3 month check in (to further commit to a full 2 years) is totally reasonable and great.

c) while i keep saying i have faith in things, like the justice system to figure its shit out and not find me guilt or that my lawyer situation would work out, and then realize it was wildly misplace- my faith in my family being there unconditionally and no matter what has once again proven to be rightfully placed and justified. my mother is so wonderful.

d) my paperwork for graduation has gone through and i believe i got a passport in the mail (well- my mothers mail)

abandoned

after several hours of discussion with a dear friend this weekend, some things have really been on my mind. mostly, what i see as the impending doom that is our future, globally but also in the united states. i'm no 2012 believer, but all signs are telling me, life as we know it is on its way out.


the international energy administration (iea)- which from my understanding is a fairly conservative international organization- has changed its expected global peak oil date from 2020 to 2012 this past winter. we are so far from any sort of post oil consumptive society, and remain so dependent on oil for our basic needs (like food), that a steady increase in oil prices really will likely have detrimental effects on life as we know it. on security, well being, our ability to survive.


we've seen more and more extreme natural disasters. like the 8.8 earthquake in chile, or the 7.0 in haiti. we're had volcanic ash turning europe into a tunnel of darkness (yet, the only discussion about it is the ability to fly. why is that?). flooding, drought, heat waves.


man made disasters. like the oil spill in the gulf of mexico that will undoubtedly contribute to the unreal rate of extinction we're currently seeing across our world.



all of this to say, it's scary. we've been raised our whole life being told if we go to school, get an education, a job, a house, a steady income- that we'll be fine. we'll have everything we need. we'll be comfortable and never hungry. in fact, we'll need a membership to a gym because we'll be eating so much it will make us ill. but what happens when that isn't true? when a college degree won't mean anything (does it now?) other than 4 years spent learning things that won't help me and those i love survive. what good does learning about microbes or the history of the environmental movement do if i can't grow my own food and preserve it? if i don't know how to fix a whole in the roof, or build a house without store bought oil made products (or with them, for the matter)? if i can't take care of my basic needs (which, i can't) what can i do?


and in a way, what am i doing working on coal issues? i feel like we've already lost the battle. i feel like it's too late. while i do believe we should still try, try for sake of that chance i'm wrong and things will be fine, fight to preserve our dignity, fight because we don't know what else to do. but in that process, are we also failing to prepare for this impending doom? this apocalypse? if folks (like me) in the valley can't provide for themselves, then to what effect is it to stop exploitative coal mining practices? i fully intend on doing everything within my power to improve this world, and the world to come, and feel like my future endeavors are part of that. but is it short sited to fight coal issues? are we so far gone that we should work on food security? (i'm not sure).

feeling pessimistic on this raining may day (the day after the under celebrated may day), i'm preparing to delve into studying. to spend several hours of my day, and days to come, preparing for a multiple choice test that will give me access (or prevent access) to a piece of paper that society has placed so much value on (a diploma). the expectations are telling me, get your degree. and get it with a high gpa. higher education is the cause we're fighting for. you need it to get by. but now that i've spent (wasted?) four years working towards this piece of paper, was it worth it?



'the schools we are going to are reflections of the society that created them. nobody is going to give you the education you need to overthrow them. nobody is going to teach you your true history, teach you your true heroes, if they know that that knowlwdge will help set you free. schools in amerika are interested in brainwashing people with amerikanism, giving them a little bit of education, and training them in skills they need to fill the positions the capitalist system requires. as long as we expect amerika's school to educate us, we will remain ignorant'

(Assata: an autobiography- by Assatta Shakur)

first thinning

Started thinning the first crops of the season- radishes and carrots.


In 5 weeks my garden will be full of food, and in 6 weeks I'll be off to make a new home.

think it will work?

failing to compromise?

I've recently been involved with some campus political drama (weird right?), about the Take Back the Night March. The march, which has been happening here at OU for over 30 years, is a rally/march to raise awareness of sexual assault and to empower women to feel comfortable to walk home alone at night. At OU- men can't march. Personally, I see this as incredibly misguided and have said many times that I won't march until men can march with me.



And as I try to read an article for class on microbes- I keep thinking about this. Am I being stubborn beyond need be, am I failing to compromise on the issue and failing to work towards the goals of sexual assault prevention?

See- I think the problem is- I don't only see this as misguided and exclusionary, but as harmful. Harmful not only to a 'movement' but also to women who may be battling with sexual assault issues, or may in the future. For me, the exclusion of men from the march sends a few messages, but the one that is most perturbing to me is this: By having a womens only march, it seems that the ball has been put into the womans field (so to speak). If it were up to women to empower themselves to say No to sexual assault and to feel safe walking home alone tonight, I can't say I think we'd still be having this issue. Sexual assault would be a thing of the past.

But, it's not up to women. Generally, men are the ones making unwanted sexual advances and doing the assaulting. This is not to say that men cannot be attacked, or that women cannot sexually assault someone, but speaking to the norms- it's men. Men are choosing to sexually assault others. So, to hold a march where women come together and act out of sisterhood to make their streets safer, seems really harmful. I think this allows the idea that women can make choices to not be attacked (a blaming the victim of sorts) to be perpetuated. Saying No, knowing self defense, and feeling confident certainly can help- but ultimately it is up the the person doing the attaching to stop sexual assault.

As someone who has dealt with these issues myself, I know it was not a choice I made. I chose to say no, i know how to defend myself, and generally feel pretty confident. I can't say I couldn't have acted differently and had a different outcome, but what I do know is- I didn't make a choice. He did. And in the process, I always felt it was my fault. I didn't push away hard enough, didn't say no loud enough, and didn't avoid compromising situations well enough. it took me a long time to realize, it wasn't my fault.

it seems to me, that a womens only march tells women they can choose to stop sexual assault. they can choose to take back the night, to feel and to be safe walking home at night. but i don't think they can. men have to make that choice.

either way- the question remains, at what point to i compromise my views in order to act in solidarity with others trying to achieve the same things as I am, and when do i hold my group because i see their efforts as harmful to what we're trying to achieve?

wild edibles

earlier this week, Jim Merkel was in athens for a presentation during earth month. an interesting fella no doubt, but one of the most interesting things he talked about was wild edibles. i guess i've known for a while that wild edibles are good. high in nutrients and if harvested carefully, sustainable (thought, with all of the habitat fragmentation out there- it is a questionable practice these days).

My housemate and I went scavenging for wild edibles this weekend. He's sort of like a mini-wild edible book, and pointed out about a million and a half more things in the forest than i can remember. but, what we picked, i now know- and thought i'd share. but, unfortunatley, i've been unable to find nutrition facts on these things.


Trout Lilies

These delightful little things, are trout lilies. They are sort of spotted, like trout, with lighter green markings. These tend to grow on the shady side of hills, down in the valley. They are similar to spinach, and are sort of sweet. They make a great salad, and I imagine you could cook them down too, but I don't plan on it. When we were out, the patches were few and far between, so again, being aware of the amount you're taking is key.


Ramps

Ramps, ramps, ramps. These well known appalachian wilds are great. Sort of garlicy, sort of oniony. They have fairly large, long green leaves and tend to have two leaves per plant (from what I've seen anyway. maybe they get more later in the season). These tend to grow in patches, and hang opposite side of the valley from the trout lilies. Many people dig up the bulb of these, because it tends to be spicier and pack a bigger punch. But, you don't need to do that and you probably shouldn't. if you take ramps out by their bulbs, you've killed the plant, it won't come back. and the leaves are plenty full of flavor. These were more abundant and the patches tended to be very full, but it's always good to be aware of how much you're picking. i tried to only take one leaf from each plant, and to not over harvest any patch. these can be used sort of like green onions. cook them, use them raw on salads etc. i have not cooked with them yet, so am not sure what happens to their flavor intensity, but i did make a really delicious ramp pesto (as inspired by integration acres). from a brief look, you can find lots of recipes online using ramps (none of which i've tested). But, fair warning, as with strong garlic, ramps can fend off those close to you (particularly close to your mouth). totally worth it.


Wild Ginger

These lovely leaves are also found around these parts, but seem to be pretty uncommon. i didn't notice (or perhaps more accurately, joe didn't point out to me) any kind of growth pattern, but these were very sparse. Therefore, we only took a couple of leaves, mostly just to try them out. We made tea with them (along with a few other things, like pine needles- which hold a ton of vitamin c).Like ramps, the roots can be harvested and apparently are quite wonderful, but that kills the plant. And since these were so sparse, we didn't even try them. We've planted some ginger in our yard, so hopefully in a couple years folks living here can have a solid source of wild ginger.

Red Buds and Violets

There are a lot of wild flowers that are edible, but these two are great, and both of them are in my yard. Violets don't hold too much flavor, but they look very nice and likely pack a decent amount of nutrients. Red buds, however, do have some nice sweet flavor. Both of these look lovely on a fresh salad, but in this case I added them to some homemade yogurt. (which, is so easy to make and wonderful- you can check out how from the Ohio Food Shed blog, Eat With The Season)


other totally edible things around here: dandelion leaves, root, and flower, stinging nettles, wild onions, milkweed, wild lettuce, garlic mustard, Sheppards purse, clover flower, wild asparagus- and probably a lot more.

oh- and just saying- take someone out with you who knows whats happening before you go around eating a bunch of things you're not sure of...

spring wish list

- eat sweets= bake sweets
- sat= no work, no computer, no way
- outside every fair weather day (non trans)
- learn one banjo song (and get a banjo)
- read 1 non school book
- develop a post graduate reading list
- learn more about black struggles
- come to terms with leaving athens
- stop comparing myself to other people
- write down every phone number used once a week, plus 5 more
- back up computer once a week
- sleep outside twice a month
- bike to nelsonville
- go to an old growth forest
- get involved with a community, not student based, organization
- practice nonviolent communication (particularly patience)
- shower in the rain
- drink beer more often (good beer, with friends, in reasonable quantities)
- keep up with good habits from winter of contentment wish list
- take life in stride
- eat more foraged food (like dandelions!)
- challenge gender roles
- graduate!
- let people know they are important to me

off to a late start, so better get going..!

leaving winter behind

- buy only local dairy
I think I can check this one off as achieved, for the most part. I ended up buying cream cheese the last week of the quarter- but other than that- check! A new dairy farmer has been at the farmers market, so i've increased the locality of the cheese I buy (while increasing the price I pay no doubt) from Walnut Creek (near Cincinatti) to Galliplos (about 20 min south)




- take one out of state, non political, trip
While I did not make it to Michigan, I still left the state and headed to DC with my sister and her family.


- learn to rock climb
Fail. I tried it once with a friend (and made it to the top of the wall!) but it never really worked out after that. I tried to sign up to take it as a class next quarter but didn't get my pink slip in soon enough and it filled up. Blast!

- make bread twice a month
You betchya!

- cook three real meals a week, one with a friend
i at least accomplished this, but likely cooked more often- lovely!


- camp in the cold





- go to two unitarian church services
Check and check!

- work with a community based project (not student based)
No excuses, but this didn't happen either. Yikes.

- read one not-for-school book
Read more than one!! I read (listened really) A Peoples History (Howard Zinn) and NonViolent Communication

- enjoy the moment!
harder to say, I certainly wasn't always able to encompass this- making post graduation plans inherently makes this hard- but i think i stayed conscious of it and enjoyed more moments than i normally would have

- take one trip to visit Ian
indeed I did, on January 14- woo!

- take care of myself, mentally and physically, better
Better than the past at any rate- I ran at least twice a week and skipped school/work at least twice to stay in bed when I was feeling on the verge of illness. I was sick sick 0 times, which is pretty amazing!

- put people first, remember my priorities
another one that is hard to quantify, but i think i really tried to remember my priorities- and perhaps the best example was going on vacation with my nephews during week 10- putting hanging with my family before school!

- continue to reduce the items i own
i have a pretty huge pile of things for the clothing exchange in april. have some serious work ahead of me though as far as getting rid of things still!

- get a passport
well, no. turns out my mother lost my birth cirtificate. which, means i should have gotten a copy of that- which i also failed to do. looks like this one is getting moved to a spring wish list.

- line dry every load of laundry

I did! Not a single load of laundry went in the dryer! (thought, I had to wash a load twice because I was too lazy to hang it up in a timely manner, so i'm not sure it held the conservation standard i was going for)




- do at least one, non transportation- outdoor activity a week
prior to it being nice outside, i can say on average this happened, but it didn't happen every week. If i include nice weather- then it happened a lot more! I did take two backpacking trips this quarter- so that's a bonus for the time spent outdoors!


(waterfall near our camp site, the first night in Big South Fork, Tn)



- Saturdays are free days. no work, no way.
With the exception of the OSEC steering retreat, I stayed clear of all work on Saturdays. Very successful.


and soon i'll have a new lovely list for spring up!

you're killing me, ohio

literally. I love ohio. It's a part of me. I feel a real connection to this place, particularly these foothills.

Which is why, perhaps, it hurts so badly to know what Ohio has on it's plate. Ohio is dirty, and getting ready to be dirtier.

Energy- how much we produce and how we do that is what I'm talking about. While there are (sadly) probably more on the table, here's what I have caught wind of for what is has barreling down on Ohio. This is not what I know, but what I hear. Some of this is yet to be seen, just heard from people keeping their ears to the ground. Other things are well underway. And even more things are missing from this list completely.


Starting closest to me and moving clockwise around the state:

Meigs County (Purple dot): a potential expansion of carbon sequestration into Ohio from WV. This is particuarly bad news as it is creating new coal infrastructure and would likely pave the way for 'clean coal' plants to pop up in Meigs County.

Meigs County (Pink dot): the AMP coal plant has been stopped. But, plans to create energy at that site are still in the works, potentially has biomass or natural gas.

Middletown (green): a coke plant is there, with permits and all. Coke is a form of energy from coal, that is used to create steal. From my limited understanding of it, coke is particularly destructive and has a very high level of public health threat. Luckily, there seems to be local community resistance to the project that has been organizing against the plant.

Clyde (light blue dot): this one seems largely based in hear say, but from the sounds of it, there is a incinerator on its way for the Clyde.


Cleveland (yellow dot): another garbage incinerator, also based largely on what has been heard. The proposal is apparently a pyrolysis incinerator- a type of gasification. It's location inside of Cleveland increased the immediate threat is poses, as more people breath the air in an urban environment- but it's location also makes it accessible to organize against.

Alliance (green dot): another incinerator, with permits. There seems to be little local resistance. I don't really know too much about it.

Wellsville (blue dot): There are well established works for a coal-to-liquid plant there. I don't know much of what that means, bu apparently it is more harmful than a 'regular' coal plant, and the liquid energy goes to things like military jets (increasing the harmful effects no doubt). There seems to be little resistance from the community, and possibly even support, but the funding for the plant may not be there.

Belmont County (red dot): this one was sort of intentionally saved for last. This isn't exactly a dirty energy source, but a dirty energy result. A slurry impound to be precise. This is one I just heard about late last night, but want to give a little more information about what it is- from my current understanding.

The backstory: Murray Energy (Bob Murray) owns 60% of Ohio's coal production. Murray energy currently has a slurry impoundment near this proposed one, but come mid 2011, it will be full. This becomes problematic for Murray Energy, as they need a way to store all the nasty, toxic, dirty waste from cleaning our coal. These imprisonments contains heavy metals, like mercury and arsenic, which have a way of destroying water sheds. Of particular note is the clean, 'pristine' stream- casey run- is planned to be diverted (being a water source for people, and for an endangered species of salamander). In 2004, Murray Energy applied for a new impoundment and the EPA denied it, but basically formed a committee to find alternatives. From my understanding, this committee was highly political. Several alternatives were suggested, but Murray Energy said they were not economically feasible- with the exception of their original plan.

Currently, another (slightly tweaked) proposal for the impoundment is up. As I understand it, the Ohio EPA sees approving this permit to be outside the law, but they are up against significant political (financial) weight to approve it. If it gets rejected, Murray Energy has apparently said 12,000 miners will loose jobs in the area. It seems this is likely to be true. Which, is what makes this a hard and complicated issue.

There is a hearing scheduled for Tuesday March 30 in Clairsville. It seems it will be a very heated hearing, where both sides are likely to make a showing- and will likely see this issue as a concern of survival.

Here is the Sierra Clubs site with information about it.









I want to fight for Ohio. I want to fight for my right, for my nephews right, to be able to live here and to be healthy while doing so.

corn, squash and beans- oh my!

dropping out

I keep finding myself in the same dilemma.

It started with sds. good, old, trusty sds. a staple in my life for a couple years. i give credit to sds for my radicalization, for my found passion, for my involvement, for my friends, for a sense of belonging and community, and for my general growth. sds pushed me to think about things i never spent much time thinking about. sds made me believe (and then disbelieve) in a revolution. sds taught me to put my faith in people, in each other. without sds, i very seriously doubt my ability to critically think and question the socialization i've been developed in. sds was great. i met new people with new ideas, i got angry, i pumped my fist in the air and yelled at the bourgeois for not taking to the streets, for telling their children to step in line, for working 9 to 5's, for shopping at walmart. i went to workshops, i learned strategy, i participated in difficult conversations about race, about privilege.

but after a while, i got tired of yelling. i got tired of pumping my fist and talking about a revolution inside a classroom, followed by commercial music and cheap beer. i wanted more. i wanted to do something, to effect something. i wanted my new found ideals to be put into action. real action. not a action, but to turn my ideals into something concrete, something tangible.

i stuck with it. i went to the meetings and talked strategy. how to best achieve something, what experiences i had to share. i tried to delve into what our purpose was, who we are, what we want, and maybe most importantly- how we are going to get it. but, when athens sds chose the campaign for winter quarter to be to 'end the war' i felt like i failed.

the strength of an organization should not rely on any one person. likewise, no one person should feel their identity- their success- is that of an organization.

sds was no longer what i needed for personal fulfillment. granted, no organization will ever provide fulfillment, but if it doesn't add to it, then maybe it's not for me (anymore). and after a certain point of trying, i had to realize sds was not able or willing to transform itself into what i needed. but the trick to it is, i still think sds is important. i still believe in the organization, in the purpose. without sds, i would not be who i am today. i want other people, other big eyed and open eared students at ou to have sds around. it was so important to me, i wanted it to continue. to be there for the next person, to guide someone else into their own being.

when i decided to stop going to sds, i knew it might be to the detriment of athens sds. i was hoping that was not the case, that it would live on. so far, it's future is up in the air, but it's not looking good. that makes me really sad.

leaving sds was a good choice i think. but, as i grow frustrated with other organizations, i keep asking myself- at what point do the meetings, the discussions, the grand plans, become road blocks to my ability to do things. i think a big part of it has to do with student organizing. i feel increasingly frustrated and disempowered by student organizing- across campus, across the state, across the country. maybe it's because i'm moving on, i am realizing within a few months, i won't be a student. maybe student organizing is based on a population i often don't relate that well to, feel frustrated with, yet self associate with. but maybe it's not me, maybe there are very serious problems within the 'movement' that should be addressed. and if all the people who see these problems choose to leave- because they are frustrated, tired, disempowered- will they ever get addressed or will they continue to fester?

i wonder- how long do i stick it out before i drop out?

Michigan or bust

It's raining. It's been raining all morning, from when I woke up to now, and I don't see it stopping. Everywhere else in Ohio, it's snowing. No, not in Athens. Rain. Figures.

I had this plan, a grand adventure. An old friend from high school and I were going to head to Michigan. Why Michigan? Well, it touches Ohio and I've never been there. That seems a little nuts. So when my friend who I have not really seen or even spoken to in oh- 4 years- suggested an adventure this winter- I couldn't resist.

Yes please, Michigan please.

I was supposed to leave today. Head to Columbus and meet him and then on to Michigan. What were we going to do there? I don't know. Have fun mostly (hopefully). But mother nature has a way of changing plans, she runs on her own schedule and doesn't stop for anyone. So even though this rain is still rain, it's supposed to turn to hail, to snow. It is snow everywhere else. And, as my friend advised, and as my mother advised, and as my co-worker advised- the trip is no more.

In all honesty, I was pretty bummed. This was going to be 1) fun 2) an adventure and 3) a non political out of state trip. I was going to catch up with an old friend, in the best way possible- trapped in a car for many hours. I was going to see something new. Cross another border. But now, I'm stuck in Athens. That's what I thought to myself, great. Athens.

Wait! What the hell am I talking about? Great! Athens! I love athens, i love the people here. This place and these people that within a few months, will no longer be where I sleep at night? And I'm feeling bitter for getting 'stuck' here for a weekend?

So, let's rethink this. No, I'm not going to Michigan. No I'm not catching up with a friend. Yes, those two things are downers. But! I can...


- go hiking in the snow! maybe even backpacking for a short while!
- hang out with friends- lovely and amazing friends!
- go to the farmers market!
- bake bread!
- go see great music around town!
- go see the vagina monologues- for my first time!
- pump out some school work as to assure my ability to go on a non political out of state trip with my kick ass nephews (and sister, and brother in law)!
- read from a book I want to read!
- sleep and avoid getting sick (which- I fear I am on the verge of)!


I can enjoy the moment!!!!! Woo!
Athens! Love! Friends! Winter!

Bikes, Community, and Racism

So in the past two days, I've had interesting interaction involving my bike.

The first one is a really positive one- so I'll start there. The past few weeks, after leaving it outside for a very raining weekend without riding it, my bike has been acting funny. It started by being kind of clinky and then the gears would jump. So a lovely friend of mine offered to help me grease up the chains to see if that would help. It was super cold the night we did it, and since our hands were frozen we only did a little, but it helped. Then a few days later, my grand roommate came inside and said he and his dad oiled it more for me. I guess that happened a week ago or so- but it was really nice of them. Then Saturday night I was telling Bobb how it wasn't even shifting gears at all anymore or if it did it would really jerk me forward in the process. So, he looked at it and found I had a broken link in my chain. I almost freaked out because without a bike I am screwed for transportation. But, it was still ride-able and I had likely been riding it like that for a couple days. And he filled up my tires- which were really low.

Bobb also said I should just go to the bike co-op tomorrow, since he didn't have the tools to take the link out. I had planned on really getting some school work done that day, but went anyway. I had never actually been there before- which seems really crazy because I love that Athens has such a great bike co-op. But anyway, I headed across town the next afternoon (sunday) and found the co-op- and of course- Erik was there to help. He rocked, he showed me how to do it, and then I changed the links (several times, because we forgot to put it in the railer thing and then I broke a few links- so I got lots of practice). The bike co-op was pretty sweet, with TONS of bikes around, and boxes of parts all over the place. It was awesome. And I brought Erik a piece of the spicy chocolate cake I made the other day to thank him for his help. (Giving food I make to people is probably one of my favorite things to do- ever.)

So that was a really great experience. So many people helped me- which feels really wonderful to know I am involved in such a great community, I discovered the bike co-op and its wonderfulness, and I learned how to fix my bike chain. Win!

But then today- as I was riding up town to be at work to send an email about earth month funding things- at 8 in the morning (not my ideal) in the really cold air- I had a really bad experience. Normally, when I ride down Richland Ave I don't exactly receive smiles and friendly waves, but today- was the worst I've ever experienced riding a bike. A car that ended up behind me honked several times and then speed around me. Naturally, we were both stopped at the next light. The woman in the passenger seat stuck her head out of the car and started yelling something. I couldn't hear what, because there was a big truck next to me- but she looked really angry. Then the driver opened the door- and I think my heart stopped. I thought this person was going to get out- and try to fight me or something. Luckily, they didn't. Maybe there was just something stuck in the door or maybe they decided better of it- but either way, the door shut pretty much right after it opened. My heart didn't start returning to a normal speed until the light changed and the car pulled away.


But, see, it's more complicated than just a bad experience with a driver on the road. That I could handle. Sure, it would upset me and I would be a little bitter- but the thing is... the woman was black. And as her head was sticking out the window yelling, all these negative stereotypes came raging into my head. I didn't want them there, but there they were. Making me fearful of the person in that car, more fearful than I would have if they were white. If they looked like me. Then, when the car door opened, I thought to myself there was probably a black man, getting ready to step out of his car and start a fight (the assumption of the driver being a man is also concerning- but one thing at a time). How could I feel that way? What the hell is wrong with me, that because the passenger of that car was black, I was more afraid.

So all day I've been thinking about it. And the thing is, I've just never really been in environments that were very racially diverse. That within itself is something that maybe I should spend some time examining, but that's currently a fact of my life. I live in a monoculture- a white, middle class monoculture. So most experiences I have with people of other ethnic backgrounds are not from actual experience. I've read some books, been to workshops, and had discussions about race. I thought I got it. I thought that overall, I had broken down those stereotypes- those negative portrayals of black people as bad. Those images come at us all the time, be it from the news, movies, tv, or music- they are out there. Unfair depictions of people. I guess no one is accurately depicted in mainstream (any?) media, but the combination of extreme bias with regards to race in the media (and in the general public I guess) and my lack of experience to counter act those messages- they effected me.

I'm not bringing this up because it's easy- or because I want to admit to being racist. But- when that woman was yelling at me- I didn't see her as a person- I saw her as a black woman. And all my misinformed, racist, reinforced, deeply suppressed opinions of what that means- came out inside my head.

I guess, my ability to see that happening is a good thing. I can't really work towards a more just future if I hold onto racist notions without confronting them and challenging them. I guess I'm not really sure how I can work to break down racism- within myself or in a larger context- but it seems like I need to do some exploring to make sure I really address this.

Looks like I have some serious work to do.

this too will pass

there is something about snow that subdues the explosions from within. maybe its the way it sticks to your eyelashes or how it melts when it settles on your warm lips. either way, when i walked into the late night flurries, i knew that this too will pass.


as donkey worked on closing its doors, we left. sometimes, people show up just when you need them to, walking in right before your eyes fill with tears. you sort of expect yourself to loose it, right there in that chair, next to the group of friends playing cards and the boy laughing out loud at his book. but then, your reminded that today is what you make of it, it's what you decide to dwell on, to celebrate, to work towards.

the cold air, a scream of excitement, and a sincere good night hug was exactly what i needed. she reminded me that some weeks are just stressful, and it probably has little to do with how much you accomplished last week and what you still have to do this week. some weeks are just stressful. which means some weeks are just happy, loving, wonderful.

whatever the week is bringing, be it the good or the bad, it is not likely to stick around forever. an acquaintance once shared a story with me, something from some religious teaching, about a boy who goes on a quest for a king to find a ring that will make a happy man sad and a sad man happy. after months and months of searching all over the world, the boy became disheartened. just as the boy was returning home to tell the king he had failed, he stopped by a street vendor to buy some bread and asked the vendor if he knew of such a ring. to the boys surprise, the vendor did. The boy was so happy he finally found such a magical ring he ran to the king to show him. The king was taking part in a celebration of the day, and was surrounded with riches and luxuries. the boy told the king he had found the ring he was searching for, and handed him a tarnished silver ring. the king looked at the ring, and as he read the inscription on the inside, his smile faded. the ring read 'this too will pass.'

Winter of Contintment

Sitting in my kitchen, thinking about today. It's sunday. It's probably about 15 degrees outside with a couple inches of snow on the ground. It's not the kind of snow you can have a snowball fight with, but it makes for excellent sledding. I have a long list of school work that I need to do today. I don't want to do any of it.

This is the first time I've had a blog, with the exception of something I had to to for class once. I'm not sure I want one, but I sort of feel it might be really good to do. A way to give myself time to think and reflect, an easy way to keep people updated on my day-to-day life. I don't think I will tell people about it at first though, just wait and see how I feel about it after a little bit. Maybe I'll share it with others, maybe it will be more for me. I really felt the need to have one when I was staying in WV for a few weeks over the winter break from school. I wasn't there too long, but I felt so many wonderful things and I wanted to share it with people. There are just too many great people in my life to reasonably expect to continually speak to, and sending an email to people to 'update' them seemed really sad. Maybe a blog is in between those two. Or maybe it's way worse than any email. I guess I'll find out.

Keeping in touch with people is hard. When I am living in Athens, it seems easier. I see so many great people every day, and keeping up with my family and a handful of friends back in Delaware isn't too much. But it's funny how quickly you can loose track of people, forget who they are, and how you can't feel each other growing apart until it's too late. As I work towards graduation from school and consider my first time move from Ohio- I think about all the people who I do see everyday who I won't. I think about all the people who have graduated in recent years and moved away. How so many people have effected my life so wonderfully and I never speak to them anymore. Maybe that's the thing, maybe you're meant to grow apart from people, to meet new people, and to remember why you loved people when you were such great friends. I don't know. I don't really like that idea, but maybe that's just part of life. Either way, preventing what may be the inevitable is part of the reason for this blog.

But, I am really trying to enjoy the moment (hence the blog title). I hate how often people, and for how many years I, spend our lives looking for what is tomorrow or what was yesterday. I want to see today, to live today, and to really enjoy it. All of it. Even he bad stuff, I want to take it for what it is, to feel it. One way that I think I am working to really live in the moment, is to create seasonal wish lists. This idea came from the Summer of Freedom, which was this past summer. Part of it was to make a list of things you've always wanted to do, but for whatever reason never had. It was really great to have a list of things, from canning, to hitchhiking, to being honest, that I could look back on and encourage myself to do things. During Frunky Fresh Fall, I made one in my head. I probably accomplished negative of them. So this Winter (the Winter of Contentment) I'm making a list. I think it's a really great list.

- by only local dairy
- take one out of state, non political, trip
- learn to rock climb
- make bread twice a month
- cook three real meals a week, one with a friend
- camp in the cold
- go to two unitarian church services
- work with a community based project (not student based)
- read one not-for-school book
- enjoy the moment!
- take one trip to visit Ian
- take care of myself, mentally and physically, better
- put people first, remember my priorities
- continue to reduce the items i own
- get a passport
- line dry every load of laundry
- do at least one, non transportation- outdoor activity a week
- Saturdays are free days. no work, no way.

So far, so good.