Year of the Meniscus

In mid-December I was in Faber, VA. I had taken an pre-meeting walk to get ready for the day, and found myself laying by a river watching the water pour down and over some rocks. Not that this was a particularly new sight, but I really noticed something... the way the water sticks together. It's surface tension holds itself together, creating a sense of cohesiveness, to spite it's liquid state that makes me think it shouldn't be able to do that. It should fall apart, separate, spill... it should be chaos.

What am I talking about? well, do ya'll remember being in science class (cira 3rd grade, maybe) and learning about the meniscus?

{thanks for the image, wikki}

It's the specific curve created when you over fill a glass of water, but it doesn't spill out. This act is a fine line, just a drop too much and--- chaos!! there is water dripping over the edge and you've gotten the counter all wet (the horror). So, now that we're on the same page of the science behind my statement (err, are we?)- I'll elaborate.

This year, was the year of the Meniscus.

This year, was more packed than I ever imagined it could be. My glass was filled- past the top. But just barely, because I'm pretty sure it didn't turn into chaos (at least not the bad kind). I'm also pretty sure, that if anything more happened in 2011, chaos would be had. Or, at least I would have spent (more) time huddled in the fetal position thinking there was NO WAY i'd be able to do this. Whatever 'this' is...

I did a lot of moving around...

• I lived in Rock Creek, WV (Jan-July), Machias, Maine (July-Sept), in a truck- midwest style-(Sept-Nov), and in central Ohio (Dec)!

that- is a lot of places to live, a lot of beds to sleep in, a lot of kitchens to feed people in, and a lot of places to consider home- some for the long haul, and some of them with the understanding that a sense of home is short lived there.

In that time, I've (under failry strict meaning of the word) considered myself to have 22 housemates. WAY more if you consider folks who often stayed in a house i lived in, tented in a yard i lived in, or spent more than a week living together (say Blair Mountain).

• Spent time in 19 US states (Ohio, Maine, WV, VA, New York, PA, Indiana, Michigan, Illinois, Kentucky, Missouri, Iowa, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Minnesota, Washington DC, North Carolina, TN... at the least. I just can't fully recall...

• I went to Canada 3 times

Which, prior to 2011, I had been out of the country 0 times. I went once for an anti- fracking protest in New Brunswick, and crossed the border 2ce on fall tour.

I had the boarder patrol read my diary, and had the fear of god put into me (and probably for Nikki and Tyler, too) when a boarder patrol-er came from around the counter towards us, snapping on a rubber glove and asked 'which one of you had to go to the bathroom?'

Ah! none of us. not us, no sir, no way. I totally thought we were getting searched, like, really searched (we weren't)

I did a lot of work, or things I call work, or think of as work, most of the time, or at least some of the time...

• WV based work...
• programming co-coordinating for the March on Blair Mountain, with the amazing Becks, where we planned, scratched, replanned, canceled, planned again and mostly implemented the non-logistical schedule for the March on Blair Mountain (like evening speakers and musicians and the rally schedule and line up)
• I worked on the media team- mostly pre-march- and got practice in doing outreach in new and exciting ways, with a amazing and talented group of people (did you see the media that came outta the march!?! it was SO good!)
• I did door-to-door outreach in southern WV for the march. Both exciting and (at the time) scary.
• At CRMW I worked in small and large ways to revamp the Volunteer process- as the (what ended up being short term) volunteer coordinator
• I helped plan the programming for Mountain Justice Summer camp, and also did some work in with the group as a whole (like helping to facilitate)

• Beehive...
• Did over 60 beehive presentations- mostly the True Cost of Coal
• Work party- i helped host and run a month long marathon workparty for... so many people. i actually don't have a number, but not including the ball, i'd say over 100 came through for at least a while. a steady 60 people.
• facilitated the baking of hundreds of baked good for the bfb
• helped host, organize, and throw a 1000+ person dance party (blackfly ball)
• successful wrote and received my first grant- from NEST- for bringing a Klezmer band to the bfb
• Beehive Meetings- I did the most intensive, aggravating, and skill pushing agenda setting, planning, and facilitating thus far in my life during the january beehive meetings; played a similar (but more minor) role for our May meetings; and was in another intense (in a different way) set of 2 week meetings this Dec. We met a lot.
• i went on a mini research trip on fracking- in the Pittsburgh area. Where I learned a lot, and really began to question if i have the option of not living in ohio (i later decided, no. not really)

• other things...
• I was elected to the Ohio Alliance for People and the Environment (OAPE) board, and have begun doing work with them.
• sent 2 million and 3 emails (thats a joke. mostly)

I also had a personal life... (a what?) like things i don't consider 'work'...

• 2 new babies were born in my family! i'm the aunt of 5! holy shit!
• Started dating someone- who is really amazing.
• some ohio friends came ALL the way to maine to see me- holy smokes- that's so great!
• i got to dance over bad little falls and experience the magic of celebration (bfb)
• traded vehicles, and now have a car that- for now- runs smoothly.
• made new amazing friends from all over the county- and feel incredibly lucky and blessed to know so many folks who i love and care about.
• i screen printed something! me! i did that (and will continue to, i think)
• made a zine for my nephews- and shared it in a public way
• actually started to learn the banjo- then forgot and will re-learn in 2012
• i made 13 blog posts (many of which, have more details about the things listed on here...)
• my aunt and uncle moved to central ohio- win!
• my grandmother moved away from central ohio- not win.
• mama went to dc to stop the xl pipeline (ok, i didn't have anything to do with it, but it's just SO dang cool!)
• i read some great books:

The God of Small Things (Arundhati Roy), Bossypants (tina fey), Prodigal Summer (barbara Kingsolver), Girl with the dragon tattoo (0% recommended), The Dispossesed (ursula k le guin), Percepolis: the story of a childhood (again; marjane satrapi) Parable of the Sower (octavia butler), Flood! (Erik Drooker), sister outsider (audre lorde), Blankets (Craig Thompson), Kindred (Octavia Butler), Off the Map (crimethInc), The Red Tent (Anita Diamant), the Gnome Lexicon (illustrated by my friend, nate!), and read lots of zines.

• i finally filled the journal i've been writting in since early hs- the first date being '4/23/06 3:02 am' the last being '9/9/2011' Actually, there are about 20 blank pages, but I wanted to start a new one so i could bring a smaller book to journal in on tour-- which i did- and successfully made a entry EVERYDAY of tour. wham!

Looking back through my old journal, i found a page, where i am struggling with the 'why bother?'-ness of the world. I actually wrote, that i wanted 'a cause to believe in, a reason to be here...' (3/9/07) During that time in my life, I wouldn't say I was happy. These days, I continue to struggle, much of which is a similar internal debate about life and what I will do with it. But the tone is different, and at the beginning of this year, i made another entry (1/19/2011, NYC), where I spoke to the struggles in my life, but how i was happy. Actually happy.

Today, that remains true.

• I went to my first church serivce (that is not a UU- which, I enjoy and doesn't quiet seem to fit into the category of church, in some ways) It was the United Church of Christ in Machias... I went to hear my inspiring friend Cole speak at the service that day.
• I found out my mother is planning to sell the house I grew up in. Smart, and sad.
• I have lots of new music to enjoy and listen to. According to my Itunes, the most listened to music that I added in 2011 is: Thao and Mirah (self titled), Jessica Lea Mayfield (tell me); Big Tree (self titled). Itunes says I listened to 2,614 songs in 2011, and my most listened to song? Wild Young Hearts by the Noisettes. (Though, I'm pretty sure that is an inaccurate read of what I actually listen to...)
• 117 horizontal drilling permits granted in ohio (ok- that isn't really my list of things that i did... but... fuck.)

Looking back through my journal entries from the past year, and generally thinking about 2011, I think I learned one really important thing for myself. I have- on a fundamental level- accepted that my life is a choice. I am the only one who gets to choose what I do, how I do it, when I do it. (of course, there are exceptions to this, and in my opinion, saying there are not is a major act of privilege. for most things in my life, i have that privilege). While I have personally debated this for myself, for much of the year (and probably more), I really had it driven home by a conflict mediator who worked with us this Dec.

This is my life, and I get to choose what to do with it. Everyday, every moment.

It's like having access to a compass rose. I can see where I am, and see whats around me. I get to make the choice where I move, and accept the consequences of that choice, both the foreseen and the unforeseen.

As for what 2012 will bring, I just don't know, but I know I get to decide. I intend to be in Ohio- to live here. Work here, take care of myself and those i love here. At least 6 months. I am having a hard time making a plan for myself, but am picking up a habit i used to be in- creating a wish list for the winter. A list of things I would like to hold myself to, a way to commit to myself (and others) to being more interested, interesting, and having more fun. Here's what I've got- for Jan, Feb, and March.

- ohio rocks presentation

- one book a month

- martial arts once/week

- bread 2x a month (and give one loaf to someone else!)

- love letter to non-here friend 1x month

- stretch 5x a week

- go to one 'new' event a month

- screen print something!

- uphold my commitment made to myself in a PSU workshop

- don't accidentally watch tv

- research organizations in central ohio i can do support work with, that actively fight racism (directly or indirectly)

So, here goes!

into the coal river valley

It's true! I live in WV these days. I've been pretty dang busy... and haven't had much time for things like a blog post- but it seems well overdue! So, since I've been living here for about 2 months, there are photos from all sorts of things- an exact flow and time sequence doesn't really apply here... but here goes! The past 2 months of my time in WV....

First things first, new house! I live up Rock Creek holler with 5 other delightful people. We rent our house, and it sits on 178 acres of land on the side of Coal River Mountain. It's incredibly beautiful- with trails that lead all over the place in our back 'yard' (is a mountain a backyard? i guess so...), lots of random little out houses, a cemetery, and a stream that ranges from a trickle to a roar (it's a small little one- but sure does sound nice!)

two of the little out houses on our property- there are hopes and dreams of fixing them up enough to provide seasonal housing--- but... for now that's just a dream.

William (housemate!) showing the watershed of the coal river valley to a passerby at the capital building in Charleston--- perhaps my least favorite place to be in WV (well, next to going shopping in Beckley... maybe)

And even tho I live and work in WV these days- I've remained pretty connected to things happening in Ohio. I've been in WV for... 2 months or something now- but have spent many many of my weekends away. One of those weekends I went up to Athens for help facilitate OSEC meetings. The first night, we had a packed house as folks crammed together to hear mattie share the history of osec.

Besides having a ton of people come out for the retreat and seeing people i care about- there is one really rad thing that sticks out from the weekend- OSEC took on the 'Don't Frack with Ohio' campaign! Hells yeah! Folks spent several hours in a break out group (above) trying to figure out how OSEC can help create an Ohio movement to stop fracking.

On sunday, we finished the weekend retreat strong with a moment for closing thoughts. And as extra bonus- we were able to do it outside (mind you- this happened in... early feb... so being outside was particularly exciting)

Group photo- osec Streeting retreat Winter 2011, Athens, OH

And then there was our households valentines day celebration--- which mostly consisted of EK writing beautiful poems for everyone and hanging them in our dining room (plus- some baked goods... duh)

I went with Rooster and William to see the Edwight permit-- a MTR site. We made it up the mountain side (on a very small, very bumpy road) just before 4 pm. Which is when we heard the alarm go off and moments later heard an explosion, felt the ground move a bit, and watched as the mountain was thrust into the air. It was the first time I saw a mountain actually get exploded. As it settled, you could smell the air-- it smelled a bit like matches. Here, you can see the dust settling after the explosion. It makes it look almost small, but it's not. Oh, and that little patch of trees in the upper left of the photo- is a family cemetery.

That same day, we went for a hike on the side of Rt 3 to look at some drainage that... well... shouldn't be there. It's funny how beautiful it can look and peaceful it can feel, just moments away from the active destruction of these same mountains.

The not-so-natural drainage coming out of what we think is an old mine... it was called in to the DEP, but I don't know that anything has really been done.

This is Frankie- Beccas new teacup pig. Frankie lives outside in a pin (tho, they sure do escape alot), loves apple cores, and hates being picked up. Unless its by Becca- on a good day.

The incredible exploded flat tire- that resulted in an eye opening and incredibly awkward experience for becca and i. Long story short: after several failed attempts of changing this flat into a doughnut (think: jack falling over twice, then falling over again and getting stuck under the car... fail), we knocked on a the door of a near by house-- which was home to what turned out to be perhaps the friendliest person.

So, I found myself sitting in a strangers home with becca drinking bad coffee with even worse powdered creamer, and trying to make small talk. As one can assume- what we do around here was a question- and after trying to beat around the bush- the real answer came out- we work with CRMW. i could barely say it, as i was afraid she'd know what that meant and she'd... i'm not sure... react strongly- be angry, kick us out, not help us with our tire? the woman had never heard of it before, and i was able to talk up projects that dont directly address mtr. But the fear of how she may have responded had she known, was very telling to me- and emphasized my role... as an outsider. A radical. An environmentalist. I am those things- and there's no denying it (nor would i want to), but the combination of the 3 creates a heavy challenge- and it's not a new challenge. it's not something i didn't realize before this, but--- it made it hit home and realize exactly who i am in this story.

(anyway... back to photos of what i'm doing these days...)

In late Feb, the CRMW office hosted the March on Blair Mountain:Appalachia is Rising general meeting. About 50 folks came from all over Appalachia to jam together about the march. It was a pretty amazing moment, where I was able to put names to faces, catch up on the current permits (there are currently 7 permits that are of eminent threat to the historical site of the Battle of Blair Mountain), see the incredibly beautiful color prints of the poster (photo!), connect with the media working group, and generally feel a part of something big.

Outreach break out group for the march... And just as a bit of back story for why this March on Blair Mountain is happening (and why you should totally come...) : Remember those 7 permits I mentioned? Well those are permits that are planning to blow up Blair Mountain- a mountain where in 1921, thirteen thousand miners came together to take up arms against the company and fight for their rights to safe working conditions and collective bargaining. It was the second largest armed insurrection in Unites States history (second only to the civil war), put down only when the coal bosses brought in federal troops. The battle proved to be a landmark fight for fair wages, safe working conditions, and the right to unionize. The Battle of Blair Mountain set a powerful precedent for the rest of the country that resounds today in the continuing fight to defend collective bargaining. Now, that mountain is set to be blown up by the coal companies- an attack not only on the mountains but also an attack on the history of WV and of labor on the whole. Guess we better stand together to protect it, eh?.

A group sing along of Solidarity Forever... with the totally awesome DustBuster Sisters from Sylvester, WV (just up the road from where I live now). If you're not familiar, check out their story (or ask me about it!)

Coloring together at our dining room table. Awww ethanpants!

Baking in what appears to be a totally crazed kitchen. Since then- improvements have certainly been made and it's less of a crazy place (tho- still not what I would call 'fully functional') Either way, getting to bake and cook food for my housemates is still an enjoyable break

Ethanpants, becca, and EK in the back seat- heading up to kayford mountain. Crossed eyes may or may not be a major part of the way we communicate with each other...

We headed up to kayford to show beccas father- Leonard- the site. We went to a viewpoint I had never seen before, which took us by this giant crack in the earth--- it's hard to see how big and how deep it is- but it's huge. Just imagine if you're house was built near where the land just broke apart like that from all the blasting happening on nearby mountains...

Becca and Leonard... looking over the eerie green hills, large roads, and moonscape that was once kayford mountain. heartbreaking- no matter how many times i see it.

Meal sign up for the collective dinners ... sat night... awww!
(also notice: Friday night reads: '{Cookies} or burritos')

Dropping Ethan off at the train station in Price, WV. That morning- the morning we HAD to be on time, I woke up late and it decided to randomly snow- making rt 3 a scary drive. We got there just on time-- to learn that the train was going to be 3 hours late (that's just the way it is... doo do doo do doo do...). After that- Becca and I headed to Wise County VA to do a beehive presentation and the VA Mountain Justice Spring Break, where I got to meet some of beccas friends and see a lot of folks who are joining the movement, as well as some old timers who were putting the week long training camp together. it rocked.

And then there was the week we all spent doing support work (cooking food!) for a group of about 40 folks, who were in the valley working with Restoring Eden, doing research for a health study. The kitchen work was stressful, but the study went really well, getting more participants than expected, and the group of students was really appreciative and nice.

One challenge of the week, was making 'normal food' (what does that even mean???)- which included packing 40+ sacked lunches everyday (sandwhich meat anyone? barf!) On the bright side, Dave now feels prepared to have 40 children....

Cole slaw for everyone!

EK eating a chocolate glaze doughnut off a string- hands free- at a birthday party. I would share the post game photo of EK but that just feel cruel....

Oh just... you know... loving each other a whole lot in the E council....

While shit got real- and then got bad- in Ohio... and while things continue to rage in WI... a whole lotta folks in West Virginia attended a solidarity action. On the down side, it was a lot of politicians encouraging people to act with their vote (only), but on the bright side lots of folks came out, Nick spat a mean game about acting beyond your vote, Brandon rallied for the march on Blair, and we passed out lots of fliers for the march. So---- win win loose?


And now--- I'm sitting on the porch (where it is a lot warmer than in the house), listening to our little stream roar, catching glipses of Frankie running by, preparing myself for delving back into my to-do list (and thinking about how things on my wish list- like spend time outside and post blogs 2x a month, seem to be the first to fall off), being excited spring is here (to spite not getting in a sledding adventure), and getting excited for a quick weekend visit to columbus of a statewide fracking strategy session (plus- seeing Mattie, Megan, Mom, Ian, Bobb, Erin...).

(oh and trying not to think about what seems to be the apocalypse just around the corner...)

think it will work?

wild edibles

earlier this week, Jim Merkel was in athens for a presentation during earth month. an interesting fella no doubt, but one of the most interesting things he talked about was wild edibles. i guess i've known for a while that wild edibles are good. high in nutrients and if harvested carefully, sustainable (thought, with all of the habitat fragmentation out there- it is a questionable practice these days).

My housemate and I went scavenging for wild edibles this weekend. He's sort of like a mini-wild edible book, and pointed out about a million and a half more things in the forest than i can remember. but, what we picked, i now know- and thought i'd share. but, unfortunatley, i've been unable to find nutrition facts on these things.


Trout Lilies

These delightful little things, are trout lilies. They are sort of spotted, like trout, with lighter green markings. These tend to grow on the shady side of hills, down in the valley. They are similar to spinach, and are sort of sweet. They make a great salad, and I imagine you could cook them down too, but I don't plan on it. When we were out, the patches were few and far between, so again, being aware of the amount you're taking is key.


Ramps

Ramps, ramps, ramps. These well known appalachian wilds are great. Sort of garlicy, sort of oniony. They have fairly large, long green leaves and tend to have two leaves per plant (from what I've seen anyway. maybe they get more later in the season). These tend to grow in patches, and hang opposite side of the valley from the trout lilies. Many people dig up the bulb of these, because it tends to be spicier and pack a bigger punch. But, you don't need to do that and you probably shouldn't. if you take ramps out by their bulbs, you've killed the plant, it won't come back. and the leaves are plenty full of flavor. These were more abundant and the patches tended to be very full, but it's always good to be aware of how much you're picking. i tried to only take one leaf from each plant, and to not over harvest any patch. these can be used sort of like green onions. cook them, use them raw on salads etc. i have not cooked with them yet, so am not sure what happens to their flavor intensity, but i did make a really delicious ramp pesto (as inspired by integration acres). from a brief look, you can find lots of recipes online using ramps (none of which i've tested). But, fair warning, as with strong garlic, ramps can fend off those close to you (particularly close to your mouth). totally worth it.


Wild Ginger

These lovely leaves are also found around these parts, but seem to be pretty uncommon. i didn't notice (or perhaps more accurately, joe didn't point out to me) any kind of growth pattern, but these were very sparse. Therefore, we only took a couple of leaves, mostly just to try them out. We made tea with them (along with a few other things, like pine needles- which hold a ton of vitamin c).Like ramps, the roots can be harvested and apparently are quite wonderful, but that kills the plant. And since these were so sparse, we didn't even try them. We've planted some ginger in our yard, so hopefully in a couple years folks living here can have a solid source of wild ginger.

Red Buds and Violets

There are a lot of wild flowers that are edible, but these two are great, and both of them are in my yard. Violets don't hold too much flavor, but they look very nice and likely pack a decent amount of nutrients. Red buds, however, do have some nice sweet flavor. Both of these look lovely on a fresh salad, but in this case I added them to some homemade yogurt. (which, is so easy to make and wonderful- you can check out how from the Ohio Food Shed blog, Eat With The Season)


other totally edible things around here: dandelion leaves, root, and flower, stinging nettles, wild onions, milkweed, wild lettuce, garlic mustard, Sheppards purse, clover flower, wild asparagus- and probably a lot more.

oh- and just saying- take someone out with you who knows whats happening before you go around eating a bunch of things you're not sure of...

spring wish list

- eat sweets= bake sweets
- sat= no work, no computer, no way
- outside every fair weather day (non trans)
- learn one banjo song (and get a banjo)
- read 1 non school book
- develop a post graduate reading list
- learn more about black struggles
- come to terms with leaving athens
- stop comparing myself to other people
- write down every phone number used once a week, plus 5 more
- back up computer once a week
- sleep outside twice a month
- bike to nelsonville
- go to an old growth forest
- get involved with a community, not student based, organization
- practice nonviolent communication (particularly patience)
- shower in the rain
- drink beer more often (good beer, with friends, in reasonable quantities)
- keep up with good habits from winter of contentment wish list
- take life in stride
- eat more foraged food (like dandelions!)
- challenge gender roles
- graduate!
- let people know they are important to me

off to a late start, so better get going..!

leaving winter behind

- buy only local dairy
I think I can check this one off as achieved, for the most part. I ended up buying cream cheese the last week of the quarter- but other than that- check! A new dairy farmer has been at the farmers market, so i've increased the locality of the cheese I buy (while increasing the price I pay no doubt) from Walnut Creek (near Cincinatti) to Galliplos (about 20 min south)




- take one out of state, non political, trip
While I did not make it to Michigan, I still left the state and headed to DC with my sister and her family.


- learn to rock climb
Fail. I tried it once with a friend (and made it to the top of the wall!) but it never really worked out after that. I tried to sign up to take it as a class next quarter but didn't get my pink slip in soon enough and it filled up. Blast!

- make bread twice a month
You betchya!

- cook three real meals a week, one with a friend
i at least accomplished this, but likely cooked more often- lovely!


- camp in the cold





- go to two unitarian church services
Check and check!

- work with a community based project (not student based)
No excuses, but this didn't happen either. Yikes.

- read one not-for-school book
Read more than one!! I read (listened really) A Peoples History (Howard Zinn) and NonViolent Communication

- enjoy the moment!
harder to say, I certainly wasn't always able to encompass this- making post graduation plans inherently makes this hard- but i think i stayed conscious of it and enjoyed more moments than i normally would have

- take one trip to visit Ian
indeed I did, on January 14- woo!

- take care of myself, mentally and physically, better
Better than the past at any rate- I ran at least twice a week and skipped school/work at least twice to stay in bed when I was feeling on the verge of illness. I was sick sick 0 times, which is pretty amazing!

- put people first, remember my priorities
another one that is hard to quantify, but i think i really tried to remember my priorities- and perhaps the best example was going on vacation with my nephews during week 10- putting hanging with my family before school!

- continue to reduce the items i own
i have a pretty huge pile of things for the clothing exchange in april. have some serious work ahead of me though as far as getting rid of things still!

- get a passport
well, no. turns out my mother lost my birth cirtificate. which, means i should have gotten a copy of that- which i also failed to do. looks like this one is getting moved to a spring wish list.

- line dry every load of laundry

I did! Not a single load of laundry went in the dryer! (thought, I had to wash a load twice because I was too lazy to hang it up in a timely manner, so i'm not sure it held the conservation standard i was going for)




- do at least one, non transportation- outdoor activity a week
prior to it being nice outside, i can say on average this happened, but it didn't happen every week. If i include nice weather- then it happened a lot more! I did take two backpacking trips this quarter- so that's a bonus for the time spent outdoors!


(waterfall near our camp site, the first night in Big South Fork, Tn)



- Saturdays are free days. no work, no way.
With the exception of the OSEC steering retreat, I stayed clear of all work on Saturdays. Very successful.


and soon i'll have a new lovely list for spring up!

priorities

as long as it keeps going 'round its unbelievable

for the past few weeks i've been in a funk. Like, where nothing seems really great. I guess nothing seemed really awful either though. I think the best way I can describe it is by thinking about last weekend. There was a burlesque show that I had wanted to go to and was really looking forward to. But come Friday night, I didn't really want to go. I really wanted to want to go. But, I just couldn't make myself want to be there. So, I didn't go.

That's just how I was feeling. Not sad, but not happy. I'm someone who is filled with emotions- granted the lows can be pretty low- but man oh man do the highs make up for it. And the highs are so much more common than the lows. But for a couple weeks, I wasn't able to really feel much of anything. I knew I felt numb but didn't know how to stop and start feeling again.

I tried everything I could think of. I cooked and baked like a maniac. I cleaned. I planned. I read. I went outside. I rode my bike around. I worked out. I ate great food. I slept. And I just couldn't really pull myself into caring.

And I don't know what pulled me out of it, but either way, I realized today I am out. No more funk. I'm ready to go. Yesterday, I made an hour by hour to-do list and I only didn't accomplish the reading of one article (which means, I read 3 chapters of a book, found 4 articles, read 1 article, wrote a summary, decorated a cake, made dinner, cleaned my room, was on the osec call, and went for a morning hike!)
And today, I made a lengthy to-do list for the week. Motiation: If I get my shit done I can really enjoy hanging out with my nephews on our vacation in two weeks!
This week to Do:
- finish Pop Geog article summaries (3 to go)
- finish Bridge at the End of the World
- finish Bios Web project
- write outline for paper on place (and read all articles in order to do that)
- research 2 grant opportunities for OSEC

and work 15 hours, go to school, and go to the osec retreat at least one day (and make dinner 3 times, and one outdoor activity)

I can totally do it.

Michigan or bust

It's raining. It's been raining all morning, from when I woke up to now, and I don't see it stopping. Everywhere else in Ohio, it's snowing. No, not in Athens. Rain. Figures.

I had this plan, a grand adventure. An old friend from high school and I were going to head to Michigan. Why Michigan? Well, it touches Ohio and I've never been there. That seems a little nuts. So when my friend who I have not really seen or even spoken to in oh- 4 years- suggested an adventure this winter- I couldn't resist.

Yes please, Michigan please.

I was supposed to leave today. Head to Columbus and meet him and then on to Michigan. What were we going to do there? I don't know. Have fun mostly (hopefully). But mother nature has a way of changing plans, she runs on her own schedule and doesn't stop for anyone. So even though this rain is still rain, it's supposed to turn to hail, to snow. It is snow everywhere else. And, as my friend advised, and as my mother advised, and as my co-worker advised- the trip is no more.

In all honesty, I was pretty bummed. This was going to be 1) fun 2) an adventure and 3) a non political out of state trip. I was going to catch up with an old friend, in the best way possible- trapped in a car for many hours. I was going to see something new. Cross another border. But now, I'm stuck in Athens. That's what I thought to myself, great. Athens.

Wait! What the hell am I talking about? Great! Athens! I love athens, i love the people here. This place and these people that within a few months, will no longer be where I sleep at night? And I'm feeling bitter for getting 'stuck' here for a weekend?

So, let's rethink this. No, I'm not going to Michigan. No I'm not catching up with a friend. Yes, those two things are downers. But! I can...


- go hiking in the snow! maybe even backpacking for a short while!
- hang out with friends- lovely and amazing friends!
- go to the farmers market!
- bake bread!
- go see great music around town!
- go see the vagina monologues- for my first time!
- pump out some school work as to assure my ability to go on a non political out of state trip with my kick ass nephews (and sister, and brother in law)!
- read from a book I want to read!
- sleep and avoid getting sick (which- I fear I am on the verge of)!


I can enjoy the moment!!!!! Woo!
Athens! Love! Friends! Winter!

a first time for eveything

This past Sunday, I went to my first ever (ever!) regular church service. There was only one other time I ever recall being at a regular church service, and it wasn't regular really, because I'm pretty sure there was a death in the family and someone asked us to go (I remember my mom was there, I don't know who died. I don't know what church it was, or how old I was)

But after spending time in WV and hearing what the Unitarian church woman (leader lady?) had to say about Mountaintop Removal and what ways they were supporting folks working to stop MTR, I thought I should give churches another chance. After all, for a lot of people, church acts as a catalyst for building strong communities, they are know for supporting each other within their church, and they sing together! But, churches also have a bad wrap sometimes, and I think it's one that is largely deserved. So, when I was sitting on a friends couch telling her I might go to a service, her housemate (and friend of mine) chimed in to say he goes, and really likes it. He also told me a bit about the church- about how they often have groups working on social justice issues, they don't preach any one belief system and that they aren't Christians!, they encourage people to leave and decide if the Unitarian church is for them, they have weekly topics on interesting issues, and that he always feels very welcome there.


I added going twice to my Winter Wish List. Twice, because I figured the first time might not be enough to make a judgment call but going at least twice would mean I'd have to go back. Give it time to digest. So, last Sunday, like I said, I went. The service starts at 10:30 am (not even very early!) and the weeks topic was about race- which is something I've spent a lot of time thinking about recently.

I show up, and it's raining a little- which is why I drove. I also drove because I knew it was up in the hills a ways (about 2.5 miles as it turns out, largely up hill) and I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get there. I also had forgotten I had been there before, for a CFI thing. It's such a beautiful place. The building is really neat, all brick with crazy windows of stained glass with tons of trees around. But i walked in- just as it is starting (because- naturally I got lost) and two friends of mine happened to be there for their first time also. Perfect!



We sat together and the services started with people lighting a candle (if they wanted to) for things they are happy or sad about. I liked that. Then the woman who was leading service that day jumped into talking about race. Particularly, she spoke about how racial lynchings were common place, how violence was acceptable, and how it was 'good people' who were participating. She showed photographs and read newspaper articles with graphic detail about people being burned alive, and what happened to their eyeballs. This made it into newspapers.



The part she really emphasized though, was that this was not that long ago. A young white girl smiling at a hanged black man in 1935 (photo above), could very possibly still be alive. She could have children, who could have children, who could have been taught (and likely were) that people of different racial makeups are bad and deserve to be hung. The ideals that allowed this years ago, may not be that far off and are still very much alive. More important, I thought, was the discussion about how socialization plays a big role in what is 'right' or 'wrong.' Churches, businesses, politicians, 'good people' all bought into the idea that black people are lesser than animals, and deserve lesser treatment than dogs. The idea being that in current society, there are things we might not believe in (or maybe do) but if we don't question beliefs or actions and if we don't challenge them, then they remain normal. It becomes acceptable to exploit and kill people or the land.






I don't know how I felt about it really. The service was good, it was interesting, and it made me think. I felt welcomed. I enjoyed singing (once I did start, at first I felt too awkward). But, it was a church. It just felt... strange.


I'll go back, at least once more.

Winter of Contintment

Sitting in my kitchen, thinking about today. It's sunday. It's probably about 15 degrees outside with a couple inches of snow on the ground. It's not the kind of snow you can have a snowball fight with, but it makes for excellent sledding. I have a long list of school work that I need to do today. I don't want to do any of it.

This is the first time I've had a blog, with the exception of something I had to to for class once. I'm not sure I want one, but I sort of feel it might be really good to do. A way to give myself time to think and reflect, an easy way to keep people updated on my day-to-day life. I don't think I will tell people about it at first though, just wait and see how I feel about it after a little bit. Maybe I'll share it with others, maybe it will be more for me. I really felt the need to have one when I was staying in WV for a few weeks over the winter break from school. I wasn't there too long, but I felt so many wonderful things and I wanted to share it with people. There are just too many great people in my life to reasonably expect to continually speak to, and sending an email to people to 'update' them seemed really sad. Maybe a blog is in between those two. Or maybe it's way worse than any email. I guess I'll find out.

Keeping in touch with people is hard. When I am living in Athens, it seems easier. I see so many great people every day, and keeping up with my family and a handful of friends back in Delaware isn't too much. But it's funny how quickly you can loose track of people, forget who they are, and how you can't feel each other growing apart until it's too late. As I work towards graduation from school and consider my first time move from Ohio- I think about all the people who I do see everyday who I won't. I think about all the people who have graduated in recent years and moved away. How so many people have effected my life so wonderfully and I never speak to them anymore. Maybe that's the thing, maybe you're meant to grow apart from people, to meet new people, and to remember why you loved people when you were such great friends. I don't know. I don't really like that idea, but maybe that's just part of life. Either way, preventing what may be the inevitable is part of the reason for this blog.

But, I am really trying to enjoy the moment (hence the blog title). I hate how often people, and for how many years I, spend our lives looking for what is tomorrow or what was yesterday. I want to see today, to live today, and to really enjoy it. All of it. Even he bad stuff, I want to take it for what it is, to feel it. One way that I think I am working to really live in the moment, is to create seasonal wish lists. This idea came from the Summer of Freedom, which was this past summer. Part of it was to make a list of things you've always wanted to do, but for whatever reason never had. It was really great to have a list of things, from canning, to hitchhiking, to being honest, that I could look back on and encourage myself to do things. During Frunky Fresh Fall, I made one in my head. I probably accomplished negative of them. So this Winter (the Winter of Contentment) I'm making a list. I think it's a really great list.

- by only local dairy
- take one out of state, non political, trip
- learn to rock climb
- make bread twice a month
- cook three real meals a week, one with a friend
- camp in the cold
- go to two unitarian church services
- work with a community based project (not student based)
- read one not-for-school book
- enjoy the moment!
- take one trip to visit Ian
- take care of myself, mentally and physically, better
- put people first, remember my priorities
- continue to reduce the items i own
- get a passport
- line dry every load of laundry
- do at least one, non transportation- outdoor activity a week
- Saturdays are free days. no work, no way.

So far, so good.