So I've been battling with the idea of gender roles recently. Trying to find that balance between doing what I love and doing what I'm told to do. i love to bake, cook, sew and even clean sometimes. i like to garden (but not farming really, which i might like i don't know) which also falls into the role of a woman. i spend most of my time when i'm at home in the kitchen. If someone else is around, I'm certainly trying to feed them. That goes for both guests, but also people i live with. I really love feeding and caring for people. I guess that's what most people refer to as 'motherly instinct,' which based on my instincts means i should reject that. if i don't want to be a mother, why would i have those instincts (which, is also sort of funny because a good friend of mine often tells me I'll make an excellent mother- normally after i bring her food i made- followed by my reminder to her that i don't plan on being one, let alone an excellent one)?
(the cookies i baked, that i then realized matched my apron. gender. role.)
But the thing is, I really don't know why I love those things. But do I love doing those things, or have I always been told I should love them? And if I love those things, because I have always been told I should, but now I really do, does it matter?
I guess maybe the balance is to do things that aren't within my role as a woman, traditionally. but there again, lies a problem. sort of. it's not that i don't want to, or that i wouldn't enjoy it, but i've never really had much of a reason (or a teacher) to know how to fix my car, or build something cool, or mow the grass and cook on the grill. that's not to say i'm not learning some of those things. I can put a hammer and nail to work, and am in the process of ensuring my oil changing abilities. i can (now, thanks to the guidance of a friend, yes a woman friend), change a tire. i can light a grill, but never do.
so maybe women just are more naturally drawn to 'domestic' work and have deeper urges to care for people. or, maybe that's a load of shit and i'm way deeper programmed than i ever thought i was before.