a hairy progression

conversations

conversation with my mother:
(walk through the door)
How short is it?

How short is what?

Your hair, did you shave your head?

What? No?

(walk into living room)

Oh. That's not so short. Its kinda nice.

Ha- did I tell you I was cutting my hair?

No. But you said you had something to show me so I assumed you shaved your head. Did you get a tattoo?

No...

A piercing?

No...

Oh geez. What then?

haha...
(leave and walk back in the room with a banjo, to play her the first song I learned. little does she know my hair is now shorter than it was then- and will get even shorter soon)

conversation with nels:
Molly! mumble mumble

Nels, I'm making lunch, come in here to talk to me

molly...

nels, come talk to me.

Molly... mumble

Ah. Nels
(walks into other room)

we're stuck in the dog cage!

ahahahaaha! I guess thats a good reason to not come talk to me...


conversation with my mother (and father):
(at dinner)
Is that a watch?

yup.

Why are you wearing a watch? so you can see what time it is when you're on a bike, and be more safe by not using your phone? Just tell me that so I don't think you use your phone on you're bike.

Well no, it's part of my getting ready to not have a cell phone anymore.

WHAT!?

Well- in the fall- i'll get rid of it.

(continues shocked look)

I mean, I won't have service in the valley. and it won't make sense for me to use part of my 0 dollar salary to pay for a phone with no service.

I guess so.

Father: so, will you use a payphone to call us?

(haha- society with no cell phone= an unknown world)

books

i was recently asked to come up with a book list for a friend. so here is what i have:


lost mountain by eric reese
a nonfiction account of the life and death of a mountain. it starts with a mountain who has just been permitted for MTR mining and follows it through that process- to its death. It also has some great naratives about folks living with that mountain. this book is why i care about mtr if that tells you anything.



assatta by assatta shakur
an insanely amazing book about assata shakur- who was a black revolutionary and was involved with the black panthers. it is one of those books that makes you question everything you ever read in a history text book and really opens the door to black struggles, especially within the 'justice system.' it's really accessible and easy to read, it's written like someone talking to you, not someone writing you a manifesto.






the monkey wrench gang by edward abbey
this one is fictional and about a group of folks out west who pick up monkey wrenching (sabatage) in the name of environmental protection. its good stuff, not 'educational' but a fun read and one that sort of lets you delve into issues of justification of our actions.


doris (anthology) by cindy crabb
a complication of zines and its so great. the way its written is frank and lets you think about things alot and reflect on your own life while hearing adventures and trials of someone elses life. really good (and an easy one to read a few pages at a a time, or read all night long with a cup of coffee).








nonviolent communication by marshall b rosenberg
this one is sort of akward to start reading. its written in a 'self help' way (or so i imagine) and at first was a little much for me. but the content is really great and i think i took a lot out of it. i think it would be best to read with housemates or friends so you could all practice together, because its such a different way of communicating i feel like i would have benefited from doing that. but even with that sort of awkward not very positive sounding note, i really do suggest reading it.


fighting back in appalachia edited by stephen l fisher

this one is a compilation of essays/articles about resistance in appalachia. i haven't read all of it, but have really enjoyed some of them and feel like its really applicabale and there are lessons to be learned from it. my favorite so far was Racism and Organizing in Appalachia which brought up some really powerful ideas of never avoiding hard topics and always confronting and working against things like racism, even when the cause we're working towards might seem unconnected (because really- it's not).




strange as this weather has been by ann pancake
a really wonderful fictional story that feel very based in reality (and i'm pretty positive it is). a story of a wv family dealing with mtr, and the personal struggles that take place in that process. this book for real made me cry, like really hard.




soil not oil by vandana shiva
vandana shiva is one of those people put into the hero category, so i'm a little prejudice. but, this book takes the time to connect issues of food production with climate change while focusing on environmental justice and the solutions to both climate change, food security, and poverty.







the vulneravle planet by john bellamy foster and the bridge at the end of the world by james speth
both of these books look at the global economic system and how that is leading us towards an ecological collapse beyond our control. ultimately, they both make the case for drastic overhauls of the world as we know it, in order to preseve the possibility of life in the future. they're both really good, and i couldn't decide which one to focus on, so i just went for both. (vulnerable plant is shorter and maybe more accessible)



democracy matters by cornell west
i find cornell west's language a little hard to digest and had to take some time reading this one. but he's an insanely smart guy and really lays out the need to go back to a better and more real democratic way. when i read it, i was also reading assatta, which was a great counter balance.




making things and doing stuff edited by kyle bravo
this isn't really a 'reading' book but a compilation of diy guides. in a way, these are things you can probably find online- but some of them i would never think to look up- and its nice to have things in print. everything from making beer, book binding, shoe repair, dildos and tips for traveling.





there are a lot of things here that are missing. you can see a pretty clear theme- environmental issues- which means that many things are missing. I feel like women/gender, native american and latin american issues are big holes not being addressed at all here. hopefully i'll get better at educating myself, and my post graduation reading list (which is still in the works) can be a good resource to delve into some readings on those issues.

failing to compromise?

I've recently been involved with some campus political drama (weird right?), about the Take Back the Night March. The march, which has been happening here at OU for over 30 years, is a rally/march to raise awareness of sexual assault and to empower women to feel comfortable to walk home alone at night. At OU- men can't march. Personally, I see this as incredibly misguided and have said many times that I won't march until men can march with me.



And as I try to read an article for class on microbes- I keep thinking about this. Am I being stubborn beyond need be, am I failing to compromise on the issue and failing to work towards the goals of sexual assault prevention?

See- I think the problem is- I don't only see this as misguided and exclusionary, but as harmful. Harmful not only to a 'movement' but also to women who may be battling with sexual assault issues, or may in the future. For me, the exclusion of men from the march sends a few messages, but the one that is most perturbing to me is this: By having a womens only march, it seems that the ball has been put into the womans field (so to speak). If it were up to women to empower themselves to say No to sexual assault and to feel safe walking home alone tonight, I can't say I think we'd still be having this issue. Sexual assault would be a thing of the past.

But, it's not up to women. Generally, men are the ones making unwanted sexual advances and doing the assaulting. This is not to say that men cannot be attacked, or that women cannot sexually assault someone, but speaking to the norms- it's men. Men are choosing to sexually assault others. So, to hold a march where women come together and act out of sisterhood to make their streets safer, seems really harmful. I think this allows the idea that women can make choices to not be attacked (a blaming the victim of sorts) to be perpetuated. Saying No, knowing self defense, and feeling confident certainly can help- but ultimately it is up the the person doing the attaching to stop sexual assault.

As someone who has dealt with these issues myself, I know it was not a choice I made. I chose to say no, i know how to defend myself, and generally feel pretty confident. I can't say I couldn't have acted differently and had a different outcome, but what I do know is- I didn't make a choice. He did. And in the process, I always felt it was my fault. I didn't push away hard enough, didn't say no loud enough, and didn't avoid compromising situations well enough. it took me a long time to realize, it wasn't my fault.

it seems to me, that a womens only march tells women they can choose to stop sexual assault. they can choose to take back the night, to feel and to be safe walking home at night. but i don't think they can. men have to make that choice.

either way- the question remains, at what point to i compromise my views in order to act in solidarity with others trying to achieve the same things as I am, and when do i hold my group because i see their efforts as harmful to what we're trying to achieve?

'I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die'

Stupid, yet common saying. Real dumb.

I keep finding myself in conversations with fellow women who about those 'personal things.' The two topics to come up specifically have been menstrual cycles and birth control.

I'll just touch on the latter briefly, but hopefully will come back to it later, when I can do a little more research on it. That being said, my opinion is just that, an opinion- and one that is only loosely based on fact and more so based on feelings. But, as someone who was on it for many years, I know I am glad to no longer be. While yes it provided me with three significant benefits- pregnancy prevention, decreased cramps, and clear skin- it also had negative effects- probably the most direct and significant one was a severe lack of emotion. Tricking your body into believing it is pregnant by ingesting hormones on a daily basis seems pretty nuts.

But, periods are something I know a bit more about. My quest to deal with the fact that I, as a female, bleed for a few days a month, every month, sort of began when I was a sophomore. I woman named Lizzy, who I don't really know, brought up something called 'tampaction' at a Green Network meeting. Tamp Action huh? The concept, as she briefly explained, is largely based on the idea that tampons are harmful, and there are more positive alternatives.

Here is a pdf one-pager on tampaction.

Here's my own mini-tampaction break down. Tampons are bad news for many reasons. The reason I initially began thinking about it was the waste they produce, how many tampons, wrappers, applicators etc find their way into the trash. From there, I began to think about what exactly a tampon is. A piece of tightly bond cotton that has likely been grown with some pretty sick pesticides and then bleached to be extra white. Gross. I don't really want that inside of me. That was enough to sell me on alternatives and the one I went for was the mooncup.

The mooncup, which is similar to the Diva Cup, is a reusable menstrual cup. It's made from silicone and you insert it (similar to how a tampon goes in), then empty it out a couple times a day and repeat. You just wash it out. At first, it was hard to get used to, it made me get more up close and personal than I had ever really wanted to with my period, and it was uncomfortable to insert- and even more uncomfortable to take out. But once I got the hang out if, it's been great (and comfortable). I don't have to 'change' it as often as you do with tampons, and it's a lot cheaper (I think it cost around $40, but it only needs replaced like every ten years or something crazy).

But more important than the moon cup being more convenient etc, was the process of getting to know my body better and to stop feeling so ashamed of a menstrual cycle. I used to be someone who would do everything I could to hide getting a tampon out of by backpack, because I think we've all been taught that it's gross and something we shouldn't talk about. So i never did. But when I had to empty out a cup and wash it to prevent bleeding everywhere, I really began to be more comfortable about my period. We all deal with it, so why are we ashamed? It's part of being a woman.

The moon cup, just like a tampon in my experience, sometimes leaks though. I've stained more than one pair of underwear because of it. So, I often wear liners in addition to wearing my moon cup, but then when I stopped to think about it, disposable liners are almost as nutty as tampons. So, I made my own. It was really easy to do, but I also like sewing a lot so I guess it could be more difficult if you're not into it. But I made it out of an old flannel shirt (soft and nice) and a scrap sweatshirt piece. The ones I made are fairly thin, but they could be thinner or thicker. Many people don't any kind of insert and use homemade liners only, which I also think is a good option (but not for me). But basically I just made a little pouch the shape of underwear (or a liner you may have bought) using two pieces of flannel, leaving one end open. I then turned it the right side out and put a piece of sweatshirt inside and sewed up the end. I also sewed a circle-ish shape inside the middle to keep the sweatshirt piece from crinkling up when I put it in the washing machine. So now I have a washable, reusable, free, thin liner I can wear- just in case.



The last thing I have started to do, which has just been recently, is to keep a menstrual calendar. The idea is basically if you keep track of your period, you can start to realize how long it is and how often it comes- so you can better expect it. In addition, I've tried to make note on the same calendar of what days I am feeling particularly moody. I've never heard of this part before, but I think maybe if I can see patterns in days that I am feeling super crazed, then I can know when I can expect that, too. The idea there being that if I know it's PMS or whatnot, then I can tell myself maybe that is why I am feeling really upset/frustrated/sad, and even tell other people that I am feeling that way and I do not mean to take those feeling out on them. Like I said, I just started tracking this, so we'll see if it is helpful, but I think it will be.

It's been a good experience for me to explore some options, and I think it's important to be comfortable with yourself. And if that means tampons, moon cups, or any other things than that's just fine. How to deal with a menstrual cycle is a very personal choice, but I think I've found some good options and feel comfortable about it, so I thought I'd share.