in the belly of the beast

Appalachia Rising: March on Blair Mountain.

Woah.

So many things took place, so many extreme feelings. I've been having trouble figuring out how to tell people about it. What pieces do I tell, how do I put it into one narrative, that tells the full story, communicated the epic truth? I don't really have an answer. So, I'm taking a different route. Here are snippets of the week. Just small crumbs, little pieces. Maybe one day I'll understand how they all fit together. (maybe not?)

On Sunday night, after a full day of trainings, orientation, and full on information download, there was an emergency organizing meeting called. It was a trend that would continue throughout the week. Why did we have a meeting after having meetings and stuff all day? Because after lots of hard work- we found out that yet another camp site had pulled out. We had been working for months to secure camp sites. For the week or so leading up to the march, our sites kept falling out. We'd scramble and find new ones. Totally secure ones. We knocked on doors of folks with big yards, we found paid camp sites, we had verbal agreements with parks to let us stay there. We had camp sites. And sunday night, we found out- another one dropped. So, we had a choice to make. Keep pushing, make it work, try our hardest, or... not.

We decided, we can make a suggestion but really- its not up to us. It's up to the marchers. What do they want to do? What would feel good to them? So, at around 10:30 pm- we called everyone together. For a big ol' group moment. And a moment it was.

Sarah opened the space- letting folks know what was happening. That we lost our camp sites. We were still trying to find more. That this was happening- because of what we're doing. We're fighting the coal industry, where it is strongest, most deeply rooted, where it has formed a strangle hold on the entire area. Therefore the fairly simply task of sleeping out, is coated with hardship. This is part of the struggle, it's what we're up against.

{The march just outside of Marmet- walking with the coal trucks. Photo: Cheshire Tongkat}

Then, this amazing thing happened. The room erupted in cheers, and clapping... we were not anywhere close to quitting. When asked what we should do, some folks said 'lets march in rotating groups so we can march 24 hours a day, all through the night, and we can rotate who sleeps' (a suggestion much of the room loved, but all organizers winced at). Folks said lets do it. We're going to do it. Saro lead us into song- and we sang "ain't gonna let intimidation/big coal/NOBODY gonna turn us around." And Dustin Steele closed us out- reminding us-- that we are in the belly of the beast. We have to do this. We are challenging power, we are changing power, we are creating power.

{Dustin- giving one of many powerful speeches. Photo: Cheshire Tongkat}

The next morning, we had about 250 people marching together through the streets of Marmet, WV. Marching along the original march route those union fighting miners took 90 years ago. We marched, together. We looked almost as strong as we are.

{Heading out of town. Photo: Brian Farkas, AP article}

As the week moved on, so did the hardships. On monday, the police told us we had to leave our camp site. That the verbal commitment we had- didn't really matter and the powers at be were calling strongly for us to move (shockingly, this isn't the story of 'those bad police' but is much more complicated and they actually worked with us...). So, at about 10 pm- after having our tents set, our speakers and musicians wrapping up- and folks getting ready to hit the tent--- we called another group meeting. Time to pack up and leave. Time to figure out how to shuttle 250 people back to marmet for sleeping- and figure out what to do in the morning. Rough.
{camp site}

But, as we called folks together for yet another dreaded 'we can't believe we have to tell you this' moment... we began to see a trend. A trend of the marchers being vigilant. Not willing to let these powers turn us around. Not letting intimidation weaken our spirits. Not letting a lack of sleep, a large amount of unknowns, or any other hurdle that could come out way prevent us from marching to Blair Mountain.

By midweek, we had it in our schedule to shuttle folks back and forth each night, and each morning. We gave up on finding new campsites, and we accepted the harsh truth. We had an amazing team of shuttle drivers step up. Folks lent their cars and their time to moving 250 people each day. By the end, we were spending about 8 hours a day shuttling people. No joke.

{Included in our many many vehicle chain? Portapotties on trailers. Perhaps one of the smartest things we did. Photo: Mark Haller}

It's a little hard to say what exactly happened on the march. I had been given the task of March Marshall- and stayed several hundred feet in front of the march- trying to slow cars, trucks, motorcyles- down before they hit the long wave of marchers. But what I do know- is how much support there was.

{marshaling the long line of marchers. luckily, i was part of a really grand team of folks. photo: }

We drove by signs that said folks were with us. People came out to their porch to wave. Folks handed out cold bottles of water from coolers filled with ice, handed out ice cold sodas (sierra mist to be precise), a fella gave his hat to a marcher, people stopped their cars to give donations, wave of school children rushed over to the fence and waved and shouted, and high fives went out to all the marchers. It was amazing. It is amazing.

{High Fives in Madison. Photo: Wren}

One fella came out in his driveway on his four-wheeler. He was holding a small bouquet of flowers and a sign that read 'thank you.' A woman we passed hollered 'you have water? you can fill up here with my hose if you want!" Kyle and I said we had plenty, but thanks for the offer. She offered water to the entire line. 250 people.

{photo: Cheshire Tongkat}

That's not to say, there weren't folks who sped up when they drove by us, or who gave a little swerve in our direction. Its not that folks didn't hold signs and yell 'go home treehuggers,' 'coal keeps your lights on,' 'we love coal' or 'coal feeds my family.' They did. The closer we got to Blair, the more intense it got. It was an incredibly visible proof that towns, neighbors, families- are divided. Sometimes, every other home rotated between 'welcome and thank you' to 'go home and friends of coal.' It's for real.

{Family sitting in front of the school in Marmet. Photo: Cheshire Tongkat}

I stopped to speak to a woman and her husband who were standing by the side of the road- red bandannas worn proud- who said they'd join us tomorrow. I had the privilege of getting their phone number and calling them to let them know when and where to meet us. When they arrived, the woman told me 'i saw my niece drive by with her 'other family', yelling at us. I told her she can't talk to me like that.' It's between families. The tensions are strong, thick, and incredibly real.

Mid week, I was standing on the side of the road, waiting for a rest break to be over, and Larry said to me 'i've been waiting my whole life for this.' i smiled and said something to the effect of 'well, you did a lot of work to make it happen.' modestly he replied that he didn't really do much to make this happen, that others- like myself- were the ones doing the work. and in that moment, i had the privilege of acknowledging that hes been doing this work for a long time, and without his work, none of this would be possible. i was able to thank Larry Gibson.

{Larry- standing strong, as always. On the mornings we had to be up at 5:30 am- larry was always the first one up, waking the masses, asking how folks were doing. amazing. photo: Cheshire Tongkat}

after one of the many nights of little sleep, and lots of work, I found myself waiting for the second round of shuttles to leave from Marmet and take us to the spot we'd start marching from. Which meant I had at least an hour and a half. Naturally, I decided I'd rest my eyes for a moment. Before I knew it, Kyle was waking me up to say the last shuttle would be leaving soon, so I better get ready. As it turns out, I had slept under the registration table for at least a full hour- probably more- all while people were coming into the building and were being registered. Embarrassing and an accurate depiction of the week.

{another photo of me catching rest at any moment possible- this time during a lunch break. photo: Paul Corbit Brown}

After a relatively short rally, we got hundreds of folks to head up the mountain. Blair mountain. We took over the road, and along the way we placed historical markers. We marched up that mountain, holding the incredibly beautiful signs made by the art build team.

{marchers heading up Blair Mountain. photo: Mark Haller}

When we got to the top, about 150 folks broke off and climbed up the company road (illegally) and onto the battlefield where archeological work has been taking place. I wasn't with them, so it's hard to say what that experience was like. The rest of the marches, went up the a public access road just up the way- where we all gathered. We had made it to the top, some of us had marched over 50 miles to get there, some of us had traveled from across the globe, some of us from the holler over... but we were all there. together.

{Photo: Elias Schewel}

Instead of joining the rally cry at the top, I took a moment to chat. One thing about being a marshal all week was that I didn't have capacity to get to know anyone on the march (other than Kyle, my co-marshaller). So, I decided to chat up two elderly fellas sitting on a guard rail on the margins of the rally. They were both retired UMWA miners. One from Logan, one from ___. They talked my ear off, about the good ol' days. About how miners these days don't know what they are missing. How women deserve the right to make choices about their bodies, and nobody else should have a say. How these mountains are part of who they are, who their families have always been. How private company land is making it harder to carry on traditions, to care for themselves and their own. How one of them is now a bus driver, and he's proud to say they just unionized. How the women in their families know how to get by, how to get their families through- but it depends on the land. How they were proud to be here, with us, with all these people. It was amazing, they were so amazing. It was so humbling to just be able to listen.

The march ended over a week ago. Everyone went home, I went home (err... to a home. one of many). There's lots of work to be done, but the march its self- is over. It was hard. I was pushed further than I knew was possible. I cried, a lot. I saw others cry, alot. I saw and felt real and raw anger, sadness, disappointment, and hurt from people who were working towards a common goal. There are wounds still open. Mediation is being scheduled, for organizers, so we can learn from these hard lessons, so we can heal our relationships, so we can keep working together.

I did more than I knew was possible. I saw a group of committed people do more together than I knew was possible. I saw extreme strength and resistance within the movement. I felt solidarity. Real solidarity. I saw our movement grow- get bigger and stronger.

This story isn't over. There is healing to be done, there is a mountain yet to be saved, there is local connections to be followed up on... this narrative is in its infancy. The Battle of Blair Mountain continues.

I don't know how the story will end, what the next chapter will look like, or what flow the plot will take- but for now- I feel confident we won. I don't really know what that even means, but I think we won.

{Cohen Sigdon Shea- the newest addition to my family- another reason to fight... and win}

{want more photos of the march? Check out my wonderful photo sources! Cheshire, Wren, and Paul photos at March On Blair Mountain Flickr. Mark Haller Flickr. and Elias Schewel Flickr}

The True Cost of Coal

Holy Shit!

We launched the True Cost of Coal today! You may have gotten an email from the beehive today (if not- you should be signed up) letting you and the rest of the world know- we did it! It's done!

Not only is the coal poster officially hatched- but so is a new website and particularly a new webstore that look SO great and are so much easier to use then the last one!

And, as to be expected- i made cupcakes to celebrate! The whole hive has been super busy getting things ready and up, but there have been a dedicated few who have been zombies to the computer in order to get things out and ready. So for them particularly- celebration cupcakes were in order.


Also, other very exciting news from the Beehive. I'm going to go on tour with the hive this fall! I don't know exactly where the tour will lead me- possibly down the east coast- but I'll be traveling from mid september to mid december. That means I'll be back in Ohio for the holidays and have decided to stay until mid January- which means I'll have an entire month for family and friends, central ohio, athens, and clevland! Then- to rock creek, WV- to give it a whirl and see what I can make work. (What I have yet to problem solve is my court date- but that will work out- right?)

Woo!

brown town

jumping together with a smile larger than possible
the last strike and everyone knew.
as i walked towards those gnarly stairs,
my shirt wet with sweat, i looked over my shoulder.

it was an embrace that said thanks.
thanks for everything we don't know how to put into words
and for all the times we tried
it said this is the end of an era

i don't know if that's what it said for them
but as i watched it, i felt it inside
walking up those stairs
leaving a room humid with sweat
i knew it might be my last.

maybe its an end to an era
maybe its just the first of a series
i cant really tell yet but i know
it feels like i've broken up with someone i love
and i can't even convince myself they aren't worth the tears


-------------

yesterday, emily played at a brown town show. it wasn't a last, but it was close. needless to say, i was feeling sentimental. she played a song for every season. i can't recall the exact lyrics, but her winer song went something to the effect of 'isn't it strange, that i finally feel at home and now i'm leaving?'

i almost cried. it's weird when others say what you feel better than you can, but it happens. especially in music.

i've loved athens for many years, but never have i felt such love and connection as i do now. i finally feel like i really know what a home it, what a place can be, and the connections that can be built.

but, in less than one week- i'll leave.

hopefull

during a plan columbia presentation (beehive), they talked about how a lot of folks in that area said getting together and playing music and dancing is how they dealt with fucked up shit in their lives. the bees said how they at first thought they were kidding, that they were dealing with chainsaw mass murders, large scale livelihood and cultural degradation, and the challenge of staying alive with music and dancing?

i can't say i know those challenges, or anything comparable, but it's not crazy to think that dancing with people and making music to fit your culture is crazy. this weekend- at crabb fest- really made that hit home. it felt so good to dance and rage and push and be pushed to get hit and get hugged and feel happiness swelling inside and have the happiness and love of others be almost tangible. you could almost reach your arm out and touch it, it was so thick.

but even more than great music and wondrous dancing, was just seeing so many folks who are who they are, regardless of their age or how long they've been 'doing it.' being in school, and taking part in a radical student culture, i've seen a lot of folks 'drop out.' their reasons, i don't know, and i don't want to pretend that i do or imply they are wrong. it could be as simple as they weren't having fun anymore or it didn't make sense to them. but no matter what, it is really disheartening. it makes it feel like it's not possible to continue for the rest of our lives. maybe there's a reason most punks, hippies, radicals, whatever- are young. it only gets harder and there are fewer and fewer folks your age to support you in your own personal fight. and cindy has served me as an example of someone who keeps going, and not only keeps going, but as max sings about in his song about her and caty- they keep loving it. it's not an obligation, or not wanting to 'drop out' or anything else. it's that they love it. so, to be there to celebrate cindy's 40th birthday and have other folks from across the country- of all ages (literally a 1 month year old to 45+)- really makes your heart swell. and it makes me know that it is possible. we don't have to give up. out love for each other and deep seeded desire to build a better community and a better place to live- is not in vain and we shouldn't feel obligated to normalize ourselves once we get older. i picked up a copy of 'rad dad' (#17), and am so excited to read it. dads, mothers, sisters, AUNTS, daughters- whatever- we can all be rad. no matter what is happening in our lives and where we are at a given time- we can still have this love, and this fight.




as i was bouncing around- smashing into people and be smashed back into- i thought- what am i doing? this makes me so happy. there is no crabb fest, no brown town, no spooktober, no snarlas, no bright effs in rock creek, wv. and not even really in machias, maine. but, maybe that's the point. maybe i wont' have this for a while, maybe it won't even be here when i return- but maybe that's ok. maybe i can go off an start something somewhere. connect with other folks who feel the same way, start my own punk band (!). after all, one thing doris has taught me- is to go explore. find yourself and your community. create new communities, meet new people and never loose the ones who are your core.

conversations

conversation with my mother:
(walk through the door)
How short is it?

How short is what?

Your hair, did you shave your head?

What? No?

(walk into living room)

Oh. That's not so short. Its kinda nice.

Ha- did I tell you I was cutting my hair?

No. But you said you had something to show me so I assumed you shaved your head. Did you get a tattoo?

No...

A piercing?

No...

Oh geez. What then?

haha...
(leave and walk back in the room with a banjo, to play her the first song I learned. little does she know my hair is now shorter than it was then- and will get even shorter soon)

conversation with nels:
Molly! mumble mumble

Nels, I'm making lunch, come in here to talk to me

molly...

nels, come talk to me.

Molly... mumble

Ah. Nels
(walks into other room)

we're stuck in the dog cage!

ahahahaaha! I guess thats a good reason to not come talk to me...


conversation with my mother (and father):
(at dinner)
Is that a watch?

yup.

Why are you wearing a watch? so you can see what time it is when you're on a bike, and be more safe by not using your phone? Just tell me that so I don't think you use your phone on you're bike.

Well no, it's part of my getting ready to not have a cell phone anymore.

WHAT!?

Well- in the fall- i'll get rid of it.

(continues shocked look)

I mean, I won't have service in the valley. and it won't make sense for me to use part of my 0 dollar salary to pay for a phone with no service.

I guess so.

Father: so, will you use a payphone to call us?

(haha- society with no cell phone= an unknown world)

keepin it positive

it's been a really challenging day (namely- the information that my lawyer has dropped my g20 case without leaving me enough time to get a public defender. cool.) but, i also realize that this day ruiner is just a bump, but really shits pretty wonderful.

a) spending so many days and evenings with wonderful friends. drinking beers, riding bikes, eating food, watching movies, gardening, having sleepovers.

b) i am feeling confident in my ability to move to wv in the fall and have things work out well there- including the exciting news that i can (and will) make the case for having a bed i call my own (with sheets!) and that can happen, there can be an increase in vegetables within the meals, car insurance can in one way or another be covered, and committing to 1 year with a 3 month check in (to further commit to a full 2 years) is totally reasonable and great.

c) while i keep saying i have faith in things, like the justice system to figure its shit out and not find me guilt or that my lawyer situation would work out, and then realize it was wildly misplace- my faith in my family being there unconditionally and no matter what has once again proven to be rightfully placed and justified. my mother is so wonderful.

d) my paperwork for graduation has gone through and i believe i got a passport in the mail (well- my mothers mail)

abandoned

after several hours of discussion with a dear friend this weekend, some things have really been on my mind. mostly, what i see as the impending doom that is our future, globally but also in the united states. i'm no 2012 believer, but all signs are telling me, life as we know it is on its way out.


the international energy administration (iea)- which from my understanding is a fairly conservative international organization- has changed its expected global peak oil date from 2020 to 2012 this past winter. we are so far from any sort of post oil consumptive society, and remain so dependent on oil for our basic needs (like food), that a steady increase in oil prices really will likely have detrimental effects on life as we know it. on security, well being, our ability to survive.


we've seen more and more extreme natural disasters. like the 8.8 earthquake in chile, or the 7.0 in haiti. we're had volcanic ash turning europe into a tunnel of darkness (yet, the only discussion about it is the ability to fly. why is that?). flooding, drought, heat waves.


man made disasters. like the oil spill in the gulf of mexico that will undoubtedly contribute to the unreal rate of extinction we're currently seeing across our world.



all of this to say, it's scary. we've been raised our whole life being told if we go to school, get an education, a job, a house, a steady income- that we'll be fine. we'll have everything we need. we'll be comfortable and never hungry. in fact, we'll need a membership to a gym because we'll be eating so much it will make us ill. but what happens when that isn't true? when a college degree won't mean anything (does it now?) other than 4 years spent learning things that won't help me and those i love survive. what good does learning about microbes or the history of the environmental movement do if i can't grow my own food and preserve it? if i don't know how to fix a whole in the roof, or build a house without store bought oil made products (or with them, for the matter)? if i can't take care of my basic needs (which, i can't) what can i do?


and in a way, what am i doing working on coal issues? i feel like we've already lost the battle. i feel like it's too late. while i do believe we should still try, try for sake of that chance i'm wrong and things will be fine, fight to preserve our dignity, fight because we don't know what else to do. but in that process, are we also failing to prepare for this impending doom? this apocalypse? if folks (like me) in the valley can't provide for themselves, then to what effect is it to stop exploitative coal mining practices? i fully intend on doing everything within my power to improve this world, and the world to come, and feel like my future endeavors are part of that. but is it short sited to fight coal issues? are we so far gone that we should work on food security? (i'm not sure).

feeling pessimistic on this raining may day (the day after the under celebrated may day), i'm preparing to delve into studying. to spend several hours of my day, and days to come, preparing for a multiple choice test that will give me access (or prevent access) to a piece of paper that society has placed so much value on (a diploma). the expectations are telling me, get your degree. and get it with a high gpa. higher education is the cause we're fighting for. you need it to get by. but now that i've spent (wasted?) four years working towards this piece of paper, was it worth it?



'the schools we are going to are reflections of the society that created them. nobody is going to give you the education you need to overthrow them. nobody is going to teach you your true history, teach you your true heroes, if they know that that knowlwdge will help set you free. schools in amerika are interested in brainwashing people with amerikanism, giving them a little bit of education, and training them in skills they need to fill the positions the capitalist system requires. as long as we expect amerika's school to educate us, we will remain ignorant'

(Assata: an autobiography- by Assatta Shakur)

first thinning

Started thinning the first crops of the season- radishes and carrots.


In 5 weeks my garden will be full of food, and in 6 weeks I'll be off to make a new home.

beehive collective

I recently got an email from some folks at the beehive collective- with some things for me to read over. After reading them, I'm feeling even more excited that I was before about working with the beehive over the summer. And since I feel people (family, mostly) are a little confused about what exactly the Beehive Collective is, I thought i'd give out some details.

In the words of the Beehive- their mission is to cross pollinate the grassroots, (and my favorite part...) they "think about and hold in [their] minds the macrocosm and the microcosm and think about the play between those things. So, like the big picture and the little picture and be able to exercise both those parts of our minds that way." Woah. Then the question becomes, how do they do that?

Well, also in their own words the bees "hover between being a land-based, locally-focused group of folks who live together as domestic collaborators and being a decentralized swarm of bees who are based across the hemisphere and network with each other in a consistent, semi-organized way."

What that manifests its self as (as it seems to me) is they have a strong home base in Machias, Maine (the land-based, locally-focused part). There are a few ways this seems to happen, most obviously being work on the Grange Project. The Machias Grange Hall was an old grange (1800's old), which the Beehive has worked with folks around the community (and at large) to fix up and make into a beautiful space for people to be proud of and for people to utilize. It now serves as a community space (all ages, drug and alcohol free, lots of free events). It seems pretty amazing! And the other part of this land-locally-focused aspect seems to be they way the beehive lives. The housing is collective, and when living with many people (as happens- particularly in the summer) that within its self sort of becomes a project. Living together on consensus based decisions, while working on very complex social issues (both in house, and through their work). The other part, is also something that should be part of everyday life, but doesn't seem to be- being part of the community. This sort of blurs the line between something like the grange project and internal living situations, but is really important- especially when living in a small rural town.



And then, there is the macro- the decentralized swarm of bees across the hemisphere. This is what first attracted me to the Beehive- originally as an admirer and now as a to-be-bee. In order to cross pollinate the grassroots (the most known way at any rate) the beehive creates large graphic stories about global issues (social/political namely), to help breakdown these super complex issues and cross language/education barriers that exist. For me, their posters are sort of intimidating. They are super details, and when looking at it as a whole image it seems impossible to understand (not unlike global issues- no doubt). This poster below is Plan Columbia (a 'aid' package).

*this is only 1/2 the image. I can't figure out how to make my blog images not get cut off if they are too big... so for now- you'll see half. you can see the webverion here

Pretty intense. And pretty complicated. But when you focus in on one area, you can start to break it down. In this case, the folks the beehive spoke to had shared stories that the issues they now face, can be traced back to colonization. (this image come from the top right corner of the poster)


You can start to see the detail that goes into this work. And as I sort of suggested, they don't just decide what story to tell, but rather go to the communities being effected by the issues the beehive is working on, and turn stories into artwork to communicate to a larger audience. The poster goes through a long history of how things got to be how they are in Columbia (particularly, considering the coca plant), but ends with (as their posters often do- from the 2 i've seen) with an optimistic view of what is happening. Stories of resistance and of what can be. What might be my favorite part, is the ants on the side of the image, breaking it down and carrying it underground (which, that type of ant it is, does in real life). Through their hard and persistent work, they are helping to uncover a world of story sharing, solidarity, and permaculture.




So, that's a bit about the Beehive Collective.

If i didn't make it clear, I'm insanely excited to work with them! This is how I currently see them, but maybe it's not fully how it is. I'm sure it's super complicated and after a summer I'll have a better grasp of things- but for now- that's what I have to say them.

Hopefully I'll get a chance to fully explain their work to everyone later (and maybe get a hold of some posters to share in person)

spring wish list

- eat sweets= bake sweets
- sat= no work, no computer, no way
- outside every fair weather day (non trans)
- learn one banjo song (and get a banjo)
- read 1 non school book
- develop a post graduate reading list
- learn more about black struggles
- come to terms with leaving athens
- stop comparing myself to other people
- write down every phone number used once a week, plus 5 more
- back up computer once a week
- sleep outside twice a month
- bike to nelsonville
- go to an old growth forest
- get involved with a community, not student based, organization
- practice nonviolent communication (particularly patience)
- shower in the rain
- drink beer more often (good beer, with friends, in reasonable quantities)
- keep up with good habits from winter of contentment wish list
- take life in stride
- eat more foraged food (like dandelions!)
- challenge gender roles
- graduate!
- let people know they are important to me

off to a late start, so better get going..!

choosing poverty

on my recent visit to the farm, one thing really struck me. one of the folks who were still around from the good old days had said for the 1st ten years, everyone had to sign a vow of poverty. a commitment to remain impoverished. i feel this needs to be put into context- most if not all of those living at the farm at that time were white middle class youth who were resisting their culture. whether we like it or not, consumerism and suburbia are part of most of our cultures. i've always sort of put culture on a pedestal- something to value, to preserve, and to cherish. but what happens when your culture- my culture- isn't something i can feel positive about?

not unlike many of those who once lived on the farm- i'm preparing to reject my culture. to resist it. as i leave my cushy life in small town america- where my biggest concern is not my next meal but replacing my computer- i see a lot of parallels between myself and the farm folks. i'm basing my soon to be life on idealism. i'm choosing to reject the next step my culture has told me i should take. i am not applying for grad school to spite encouragement form professors, family, and friends and a gpa to allow it. i'm not looking for a 'job' that will pay my bills, that will pay my student debt. i'm not thinking about a lifetime partner, and i'm not dreaming of a wedding followed by children and a house. this doesn't make me better than those who do want those things, who are taking the steps often followed by (soon to be) college graduates.

in a way, i've committed myself to poverty. no, i didn't sign a vow to say i will remain impoverished, but the choices i'm making are ensuring that for my near future. this is my resistance. i'm resisting what i see as a consumer based culture, that values things and money above people and life. is it futile? we'll see.

but perhaps what is interesting and what i need to further evaluate is the privilege i have to reject my culture and choose poverty. to be clear, i'm not saying choosing poverty is 'bad' or that i feel i'm making a mistake. but what i do realize is it takes a high level of privilege to choose to live in poverty. i'm not sure exactly how to explain this. but those who are impoverished are unlikely to chose to remain so. it takes someone coming from a culture of money and wealth to deny it, to resist what would arguable make my life easier (though, i am far from certain it would make it better). i have always had healthcare, meals, and a roof to sleep under when i want it. i'm not exactly removing those things from my future (other than healthcare i suppose- but even then i'll get the healthcare i need from the government), and even if somehow i found myself in a situation where food and shelter were no longer guaranteed,i still have an out. i have a network that would provide for me in a time of need. a family who would feed and shelter me no matter what. in that sense, my privilege runs even deeper, is undeniable, and (luckily) is unshakable.

i'm choosing poverty. i can't yet say i know what kind of toll that will take on me, and i cannot deny that even under circumstance of poverty i will remain very privileged.

i'm not really sure where i'm going with this, but i sort of just wanted to hash it out in my own head i guess.

happiness

I just really liked this.
http://www.simonpeplow.blogspot.com/

you're killing me, ohio

literally. I love ohio. It's a part of me. I feel a real connection to this place, particularly these foothills.

Which is why, perhaps, it hurts so badly to know what Ohio has on it's plate. Ohio is dirty, and getting ready to be dirtier.

Energy- how much we produce and how we do that is what I'm talking about. While there are (sadly) probably more on the table, here's what I have caught wind of for what is has barreling down on Ohio. This is not what I know, but what I hear. Some of this is yet to be seen, just heard from people keeping their ears to the ground. Other things are well underway. And even more things are missing from this list completely.


Starting closest to me and moving clockwise around the state:

Meigs County (Purple dot): a potential expansion of carbon sequestration into Ohio from WV. This is particuarly bad news as it is creating new coal infrastructure and would likely pave the way for 'clean coal' plants to pop up in Meigs County.

Meigs County (Pink dot): the AMP coal plant has been stopped. But, plans to create energy at that site are still in the works, potentially has biomass or natural gas.

Middletown (green): a coke plant is there, with permits and all. Coke is a form of energy from coal, that is used to create steal. From my limited understanding of it, coke is particularly destructive and has a very high level of public health threat. Luckily, there seems to be local community resistance to the project that has been organizing against the plant.

Clyde (light blue dot): this one seems largely based in hear say, but from the sounds of it, there is a incinerator on its way for the Clyde.


Cleveland (yellow dot): another garbage incinerator, also based largely on what has been heard. The proposal is apparently a pyrolysis incinerator- a type of gasification. It's location inside of Cleveland increased the immediate threat is poses, as more people breath the air in an urban environment- but it's location also makes it accessible to organize against.

Alliance (green dot): another incinerator, with permits. There seems to be little local resistance. I don't really know too much about it.

Wellsville (blue dot): There are well established works for a coal-to-liquid plant there. I don't know much of what that means, bu apparently it is more harmful than a 'regular' coal plant, and the liquid energy goes to things like military jets (increasing the harmful effects no doubt). There seems to be little resistance from the community, and possibly even support, but the funding for the plant may not be there.

Belmont County (red dot): this one was sort of intentionally saved for last. This isn't exactly a dirty energy source, but a dirty energy result. A slurry impound to be precise. This is one I just heard about late last night, but want to give a little more information about what it is- from my current understanding.

The backstory: Murray Energy (Bob Murray) owns 60% of Ohio's coal production. Murray energy currently has a slurry impoundment near this proposed one, but come mid 2011, it will be full. This becomes problematic for Murray Energy, as they need a way to store all the nasty, toxic, dirty waste from cleaning our coal. These imprisonments contains heavy metals, like mercury and arsenic, which have a way of destroying water sheds. Of particular note is the clean, 'pristine' stream- casey run- is planned to be diverted (being a water source for people, and for an endangered species of salamander). In 2004, Murray Energy applied for a new impoundment and the EPA denied it, but basically formed a committee to find alternatives. From my understanding, this committee was highly political. Several alternatives were suggested, but Murray Energy said they were not economically feasible- with the exception of their original plan.

Currently, another (slightly tweaked) proposal for the impoundment is up. As I understand it, the Ohio EPA sees approving this permit to be outside the law, but they are up against significant political (financial) weight to approve it. If it gets rejected, Murray Energy has apparently said 12,000 miners will loose jobs in the area. It seems this is likely to be true. Which, is what makes this a hard and complicated issue.

There is a hearing scheduled for Tuesday March 30 in Clairsville. It seems it will be a very heated hearing, where both sides are likely to make a showing- and will likely see this issue as a concern of survival.

Here is the Sierra Clubs site with information about it.









I want to fight for Ohio. I want to fight for my right, for my nephews right, to be able to live here and to be healthy while doing so.

corn, squash and beans- oh my!

when all elese fails...

Pro:
mtr work
travel/see country
constant adventure
meet new people often
healthy home/community
very close relationship with a few people
draw attention nationally
less resistance/welcomed
now or never
maybe non profti, maybe americorp

Con:
hard to see direct results
very far from family
lack of sense of place
develop less meaningful relationships
time in car
(maybe) no debt payment/non profit status


Pro:
mtr work
direct connection to land, people, effect
non profit status/debt payment
close(er) to family
steady home
already have relationships
develop new/strong relationships
ability to work (for money) when need be in ohio
community connection

Con:
cowboy culture/in house dynamics
mental health/safe space questionable
need for long term commitment (community)
unaddressed privilege
unconnected person/social choices
environment health- air, water
emotionally challenging/outsider/unwelcome by many

pro:
close to home
know the ropes
feel connected to place/not fleeing
meaningful work/fulfillment
paid (actual money!)
nonprofit status/debt payment
fulfill a very real need
able to garden/build a home
connect to community other than 'work'
build on established relationships
meet new people


con:
stay in ohio
student organizing/same/no break
stagnation (leads to settling down!)
start debt repayment--> continue debt repayment
need reliable car
housing/food cost


i think what it comes down to is now or never. yikes.

I am my mothers daughter

My mother is a pretty amazing woman. If I ever am half as amazing as her, it will be a good day. Recently, a few examples of why she is so wonderful has surfaced.

1) Haiti
Last time I saw her, she was saying she wants to take a class in wilderness first responder. Why? So this summer, after the red cross and all other major relief teams check out of Haiti and we continue and economic policy that has put them in such a burdened social space, my mother hopes to go there and help. To go into the small villages, the rural areas where the Red Cross didn't touch and help people any way she can. People to people.

2) Pittsburgh
So, tomorrow, I head to Pittsburgh for my 3rd time, for my pre-trial. My mother has told me if no friends were able to accompany me, she would. But, her mother has been sick and she's had to take a lot of work off and can't go. So she suggests my brother goes with me.

Me: Wait, you mean Colin who without irony has an American flag hanging in his
living room?
Mom: Yes...
Me: To go with his little sister to court for protesting the G20?
Mom: hha... uhh... yeah.

After calling every other family member to see if someone could go with me (to no real avail), I (re)told her it really isn't a big deal. Just a meeting.

Mom: But someone should be there to support you.
Me: Yeah, I know you all support me. And this isn't even the trial.
Mom: But what if they do something crazy, like try to put you in prison for 7 years, someone should be there to stand up for you.
Me: ha, mom, I'm not going to prison, especially not on Friday. Worse case is a huge fine, and that won't happen until the real trial.
Mom: Ok. I feel guilty.
Me: Mom! You don't need to feel guilty, really, it's fine.
Mom: Ok, but I'll go to the trial. And I'll wear a shirt that says something.
Me: Ha, ok.
Mom: Like 'Leave my baby alone, you big meanie heads'
Me: Yeah, I think that will get the message across.

And then there are all the times, when I was growing up, that she subtly encouraged me to think. To actually think. Like when some kids at my school were wearing pro-life shirts (for pro-life day) and I told her that. She just asked, what do you think about that? Why? I didn't have an answer then, but I remember spending lots of time after that thinking about it.

Or when I was telling her that after a kick boxing class I saw some people doing jiu-jitsu, and it looked really cool. Do I want to try? Well, they're all men. So? Yeah I guess it doesn't matter. I can do that.


(my mother and I, circa summer 1987)

If I'm lucky, I'll be something like my mom.

Impending Doom

I woke up today with that knot in your stomach that tells you something is wrong. It's not quiet butterflies, because I always think about that as a happy and scared feeling- like when you're nervous but excited- but it feels almost the same. Only it's not from happiness, at least I don't think it is. It's from something else.

I thought a good breakfast, a quick run, hitting the bags around a little and doing so without being late to class would help. Wrong. Still there. So, I've decided it's probably from a feeling of impending doom. Something is going to happen, I can feel it, and maybe it's terrible, maybe it's doom. Maybe it's from the stack of dishes in my kitchen sink or maybe it's the who-knows-when-but-its-for-certain Apocalypse. More likely it's something in between.

Like the fucking G20. After being arrested for walking through a public park at night, I've been dealing with what is often called 'the justice system' in Pittsburgh for several months now. After my December 29th arraignment, I found myself being offered an ARD with 50 hours of community service and 9 months of probation. Oh, that's if my background check clears- which is not super likely (thanks underage drinking charge I never bothered to expunge). Either way, I don't want to take the deal. That's no deal at all, saying 'yes- i am a bad person and i do deserve to have a cop watch over me for 9 months.' No thanks. So then, the simple question- if I don't take this 'deal,' what is the maximum penalty? Oh? I won't know that until my pre-trial, scheduled after I deny the deal. Perfect. Nothing like rejecting a deal when you have no idea what the consequences could be. Oh yeah, and it feels really great to be singled out by the police- as I and one friend are the only ones I know of who have misdemeanor charges and are still held up in court (without filing an appeal that is). Even if that's not true- it sure does feel that way.

Or maybe it's something like graduating. Come June, as I just confirmed with my adviser today, I will no longer be a 'student.' To say I am not excited by this prospect of doing something else with my life would be a lie. I can't wait. I am tired of the way we are taught to learn, what we are taught, and the fact that learning and doing apparently do not co-exist within the 'higher education' system here at OU. But, none the less- I've been in school since I was... 4 or 5. Preschool, Kindergarten, Elementary, Middle, High, College. That is the past 17 years of my life or more I've spent doing this. Studying. Reading, writing, listening, 'learning.' Even if all my intentions for the year or so after graduation work out to a t, it's still scary. What if I find out, being a student is what I'm good at, that doing things and learning from reality is not something I do well. What then? Grad School? PhD? Become a teacher? Shit.

Or maybe it's the fear of loosing people- which no doubt is closely attached to graduating. But graduation or not, this is the longest time I've gone without speaking to my best friend since grade school- it's been months. Since the summer. I miss her, and on top of that I think I miss that feeling of 'no matter what.' My family is no matter what, but can you get that without being kin, without being tied to someone through blood? Can there be people in your life, that no matter happens, they will be there for you and you will be there for them?

Perhaps it's something else that I can't even name. Maybe it's just that the future is unwritten and for the first time, I'm really believing that saying. The only thing I am certain of, is right now. And maybe that isn't even so certain, I don't know. And if tomorrow, a year from now, ten years from now is completely unwritten, then that means someone has to write it. I guess that means me. Which, gives me that feeling in my stomach. I guess I don't know if it's butterflies or impending doom. Maybe both?