Year of the Meniscus

In mid-December I was in Faber, VA. I had taken an pre-meeting walk to get ready for the day, and found myself laying by a river watching the water pour down and over some rocks. Not that this was a particularly new sight, but I really noticed something... the way the water sticks together. It's surface tension holds itself together, creating a sense of cohesiveness, to spite it's liquid state that makes me think it shouldn't be able to do that. It should fall apart, separate, spill... it should be chaos.

What am I talking about? well, do ya'll remember being in science class (cira 3rd grade, maybe) and learning about the meniscus?

{thanks for the image, wikki}

It's the specific curve created when you over fill a glass of water, but it doesn't spill out. This act is a fine line, just a drop too much and--- chaos!! there is water dripping over the edge and you've gotten the counter all wet (the horror). So, now that we're on the same page of the science behind my statement (err, are we?)- I'll elaborate.

This year, was the year of the Meniscus.

This year, was more packed than I ever imagined it could be. My glass was filled- past the top. But just barely, because I'm pretty sure it didn't turn into chaos (at least not the bad kind). I'm also pretty sure, that if anything more happened in 2011, chaos would be had. Or, at least I would have spent (more) time huddled in the fetal position thinking there was NO WAY i'd be able to do this. Whatever 'this' is...

I did a lot of moving around...

• I lived in Rock Creek, WV (Jan-July), Machias, Maine (July-Sept), in a truck- midwest style-(Sept-Nov), and in central Ohio (Dec)!

that- is a lot of places to live, a lot of beds to sleep in, a lot of kitchens to feed people in, and a lot of places to consider home- some for the long haul, and some of them with the understanding that a sense of home is short lived there.

In that time, I've (under failry strict meaning of the word) considered myself to have 22 housemates. WAY more if you consider folks who often stayed in a house i lived in, tented in a yard i lived in, or spent more than a week living together (say Blair Mountain).

• Spent time in 19 US states (Ohio, Maine, WV, VA, New York, PA, Indiana, Michigan, Illinois, Kentucky, Missouri, Iowa, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Minnesota, Washington DC, North Carolina, TN... at the least. I just can't fully recall...

• I went to Canada 3 times

Which, prior to 2011, I had been out of the country 0 times. I went once for an anti- fracking protest in New Brunswick, and crossed the border 2ce on fall tour.

I had the boarder patrol read my diary, and had the fear of god put into me (and probably for Nikki and Tyler, too) when a boarder patrol-er came from around the counter towards us, snapping on a rubber glove and asked 'which one of you had to go to the bathroom?'

Ah! none of us. not us, no sir, no way. I totally thought we were getting searched, like, really searched (we weren't)

I did a lot of work, or things I call work, or think of as work, most of the time, or at least some of the time...

• WV based work...
• programming co-coordinating for the March on Blair Mountain, with the amazing Becks, where we planned, scratched, replanned, canceled, planned again and mostly implemented the non-logistical schedule for the March on Blair Mountain (like evening speakers and musicians and the rally schedule and line up)
• I worked on the media team- mostly pre-march- and got practice in doing outreach in new and exciting ways, with a amazing and talented group of people (did you see the media that came outta the march!?! it was SO good!)
• I did door-to-door outreach in southern WV for the march. Both exciting and (at the time) scary.
• At CRMW I worked in small and large ways to revamp the Volunteer process- as the (what ended up being short term) volunteer coordinator
• I helped plan the programming for Mountain Justice Summer camp, and also did some work in with the group as a whole (like helping to facilitate)

• Beehive...
• Did over 60 beehive presentations- mostly the True Cost of Coal
• Work party- i helped host and run a month long marathon workparty for... so many people. i actually don't have a number, but not including the ball, i'd say over 100 came through for at least a while. a steady 60 people.
• facilitated the baking of hundreds of baked good for the bfb
• helped host, organize, and throw a 1000+ person dance party (blackfly ball)
• successful wrote and received my first grant- from NEST- for bringing a Klezmer band to the bfb
• Beehive Meetings- I did the most intensive, aggravating, and skill pushing agenda setting, planning, and facilitating thus far in my life during the january beehive meetings; played a similar (but more minor) role for our May meetings; and was in another intense (in a different way) set of 2 week meetings this Dec. We met a lot.
• i went on a mini research trip on fracking- in the Pittsburgh area. Where I learned a lot, and really began to question if i have the option of not living in ohio (i later decided, no. not really)

• other things...
• I was elected to the Ohio Alliance for People and the Environment (OAPE) board, and have begun doing work with them.
• sent 2 million and 3 emails (thats a joke. mostly)

I also had a personal life... (a what?) like things i don't consider 'work'...

• 2 new babies were born in my family! i'm the aunt of 5! holy shit!
• Started dating someone- who is really amazing.
• some ohio friends came ALL the way to maine to see me- holy smokes- that's so great!
• i got to dance over bad little falls and experience the magic of celebration (bfb)
• traded vehicles, and now have a car that- for now- runs smoothly.
• made new amazing friends from all over the county- and feel incredibly lucky and blessed to know so many folks who i love and care about.
• i screen printed something! me! i did that (and will continue to, i think)
• made a zine for my nephews- and shared it in a public way
• actually started to learn the banjo- then forgot and will re-learn in 2012
• i made 13 blog posts (many of which, have more details about the things listed on here...)
• my aunt and uncle moved to central ohio- win!
• my grandmother moved away from central ohio- not win.
• mama went to dc to stop the xl pipeline (ok, i didn't have anything to do with it, but it's just SO dang cool!)
• i read some great books:

The God of Small Things (Arundhati Roy), Bossypants (tina fey), Prodigal Summer (barbara Kingsolver), Girl with the dragon tattoo (0% recommended), The Dispossesed (ursula k le guin), Percepolis: the story of a childhood (again; marjane satrapi) Parable of the Sower (octavia butler), Flood! (Erik Drooker), sister outsider (audre lorde), Blankets (Craig Thompson), Kindred (Octavia Butler), Off the Map (crimethInc), The Red Tent (Anita Diamant), the Gnome Lexicon (illustrated by my friend, nate!), and read lots of zines.

• i finally filled the journal i've been writting in since early hs- the first date being '4/23/06 3:02 am' the last being '9/9/2011' Actually, there are about 20 blank pages, but I wanted to start a new one so i could bring a smaller book to journal in on tour-- which i did- and successfully made a entry EVERYDAY of tour. wham!

Looking back through my old journal, i found a page, where i am struggling with the 'why bother?'-ness of the world. I actually wrote, that i wanted 'a cause to believe in, a reason to be here...' (3/9/07) During that time in my life, I wouldn't say I was happy. These days, I continue to struggle, much of which is a similar internal debate about life and what I will do with it. But the tone is different, and at the beginning of this year, i made another entry (1/19/2011, NYC), where I spoke to the struggles in my life, but how i was happy. Actually happy.

Today, that remains true.

• I went to my first church serivce (that is not a UU- which, I enjoy and doesn't quiet seem to fit into the category of church, in some ways) It was the United Church of Christ in Machias... I went to hear my inspiring friend Cole speak at the service that day.
• I found out my mother is planning to sell the house I grew up in. Smart, and sad.
• I have lots of new music to enjoy and listen to. According to my Itunes, the most listened to music that I added in 2011 is: Thao and Mirah (self titled), Jessica Lea Mayfield (tell me); Big Tree (self titled). Itunes says I listened to 2,614 songs in 2011, and my most listened to song? Wild Young Hearts by the Noisettes. (Though, I'm pretty sure that is an inaccurate read of what I actually listen to...)
• 117 horizontal drilling permits granted in ohio (ok- that isn't really my list of things that i did... but... fuck.)

Looking back through my journal entries from the past year, and generally thinking about 2011, I think I learned one really important thing for myself. I have- on a fundamental level- accepted that my life is a choice. I am the only one who gets to choose what I do, how I do it, when I do it. (of course, there are exceptions to this, and in my opinion, saying there are not is a major act of privilege. for most things in my life, i have that privilege). While I have personally debated this for myself, for much of the year (and probably more), I really had it driven home by a conflict mediator who worked with us this Dec.

This is my life, and I get to choose what to do with it. Everyday, every moment.

It's like having access to a compass rose. I can see where I am, and see whats around me. I get to make the choice where I move, and accept the consequences of that choice, both the foreseen and the unforeseen.

As for what 2012 will bring, I just don't know, but I know I get to decide. I intend to be in Ohio- to live here. Work here, take care of myself and those i love here. At least 6 months. I am having a hard time making a plan for myself, but am picking up a habit i used to be in- creating a wish list for the winter. A list of things I would like to hold myself to, a way to commit to myself (and others) to being more interested, interesting, and having more fun. Here's what I've got- for Jan, Feb, and March.

- ohio rocks presentation

- one book a month

- martial arts once/week

- bread 2x a month (and give one loaf to someone else!)

- love letter to non-here friend 1x month

- stretch 5x a week

- go to one 'new' event a month

- screen print something!

- uphold my commitment made to myself in a PSU workshop

- don't accidentally watch tv

- research organizations in central ohio i can do support work with, that actively fight racism (directly or indirectly)

So, here goes!

between then and now

just a quick post with some photos from the time between the Blackfly Ball and... now!

{serving food, in underwear}

{flag team dancing with Hungry March}

{long line of baked goods!}

{emma and jeremiah came for the blackfly ball- FROM OHIO! its such a big and amazing deal!}

{orange river jazz band}

{dancing on the waterfall stage. so, so beautiful}

{Ukulele Orchestra- a machias specialty)

{Shirim Klezmer Orchestra--- partly funded by my first grant!}

{Hurray for the Riff Raff}

{hungry march headed over the bridge...}

{with a line of dancing people behind them}

{we went hiking on the oh-so-beautiful bold coast}

{and Caroline- emmas friend from school- came too, it was so cool to hang out with her}

{AND mattie came!}

{pretty pools, pretty boys}

{and as quickly as my lovely ohio folk came, they went. and then i went hiking up mount katahdin- the largest peak in Maine (5000 ft or so), with some lovely bee folk.}

{agent- who scaled the mt faster than anyone else- did it with a busted appendix (without knowing it). She's doing much better now... but what the heck!?}

{we made it to the top--- pride flag wavin'}

{camping, cooking, friends}

ok! thats all I've got. Tomorrow, I'll leave for the start of a 10 or 11 week tour, where I'll be going through Minnesota, Kansas, Missori, Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, OHIO (!!!!!!), New York, Ontario... plus or minus some places probably.

{it will look something, sorta, like this! only less pixilated, and more clear... or something}

spaces, places, and homes

As I headed out of Rock Creek, noting the 'Rock Creek: Unincorporated' sign in my side view mirror- it felt big. Really big. I was leaving Rock Creek, I was leaving WV, I was leaving the home I was so grateful to have had- even if it was just for 6 months.

{pad thai- for squirrels birthday dinner}

{hug talking- we do it}

{Post blair pizza- best kind? grapes and rosemary. no, i'm not joking. its so good}

{somehow- June had passed. The Blair March had passed... woah. That calendar changed more quickly than i can recall any other calendar changing}

but right as I was leaving, right as my heart seemed to drop into my stomach, and my eyes wanted to cry- i got a message on my phone- 'mere hours from home.' it was perfect. it's not infrequent that i tell people- i'm lucky, because i have so many homes. in this scenario, i was leaving one home, to go to another home (central ohio). in the past-- little while-- i've been in my home of wv, my central ohio home, and now i'm in my maine home. it's always painful to leave one, but it's always so nice to get to another. i'm so lucky, but also perpetually heartbroken. I've got a deep sense of place- both for spaces i've only begin to know and for homes that made me who i am.

{the last super long, wonder around the house, tooth brushing session.... ahh.. clean teeth}

But before I got to Machias, and before I got to Ohio... I was in WV. Enjoying life after the march on Blair Mountain, and just riding the whirlwind that was my last few weeks in the valley. I made a pretty full on reportback from Volunteer Coordinating- including accomplishments, unaccomplished tasks, and recommendations- which felt great to hand over to EmmaKate, the powerhouse taking on volunteer coordination. I tried my best to keep my opinions on the next steps for the Blair Mountain campaign to myself- and even though it's really hard to accept my role in that campaign is over- its important to know--- and its important to let others make the decisions. I got to start developing workplans with volunteers- giving folks a chance to create autonomous, consensual, productive, accountable, and useful work loads--- perhaps for the first time in CRMW history.

{group photo of CRMW Summer Interns 2011- in front of the house even though Eli INSISTED it would be horrible lighting... and we shouldn't do it there}

{more group photo- not in front of the house- to appease mr shewel}

I had asked a buncha CRMW folks to sit down and talk about how they'd like to see fracking and mtr intersect. Particularly, how can i be an agent of change moving between these two movements- that to spite many similarities- have barely brushed each other? the conversation was useful, informative- but very circular and remained fairly vague. One thing that I've been turning over in my head- a lot- was this piece of advice went something like this... 'work for a ban. we almost had one, and settled for regulation. regulation has not stopped mtr, and it has not protected communities.' as i continue to think about work in ohio, with Ohio Alliance for People and the Environment and otherwise- that advice sits inside my head... just sorta waiting for me to do something with it... (or not?).

I had time to reflect on some lessons learned-- maybe most notably having a better understanding of what conflicts deserve time and energy, and what ones we should just let go. I thought about the amazing people i got to know- and all the ones who i didn't really have a chance to know but have impacted my life in incredible ways. And, while giving myself some space to think, I also was able to connect a little more. I got to spend my final night in WV celebrating- the many many movement birthdays that happen in July.

{How do a bunch of environmentalists celebrate birthdays? Well- we go to see the Appalachian Power sponsored minor league baseball team- the West Viriginia Power- play a game. Duh.}

{unintentionally twins. or so they claim...}

{Crazy caught a t-shirt. "Chucks Healthy Challenge"- sooo lucky!}

The next morning, we went for a swim in Peach Tree falls. To spite the smell of dead opossum (really)- the swim was nice. After returning home to newhouse- i got to play the 'find all the things that i had packed into my car and my housemates took out and hid' game-- for hours. Plus, newhouse left me a message on the dry erase board, "I slashed your tired <3" (they joke... they joke).

{friends at swimming holes}

{Becks loves male bodies thighs. Especially white ones. mmm

{goodbye hugs.}

When I got into Ohio that evening- I made my first stop to see my new nephew, Cohen, and see the rest of my brothers family. Cohen is tinier than I remember babies being (and way more squishy than i remember them being...), and so incredibly presious. Kayla remembered my name ('lolly' is pretty close at any rate) and couldn't stop dancing to 'head shoulders knees and toes'- which of course- is hearbreakingly cute. Next stop? To see my sisters family- including the boys and the very very pregnant- could bust any day- sister of mine. On my final day with my family- I told them I wouldn't see them again until winter. Winter!? that's too long...

{Cohen. Oh. My. Gosh. My heart explodes.}

{I got to babysit with my mama- and we took them all to the park (well, not Cohen, who is pretty much tied to Jennifer still- obviously). It was cute.}

{going for a walk}

{how'd they get so cute? srsly. what? so cute!}


{crackers for lunch. crackers all the time}

{Babies in a baby pool. Ohhh babies!}

{bo ys in spe ed os. matching ones. whhhatt??}

{Potato prints to finish the 3rd zine (from the mountains to the flatlands of ohio) I've made for the babies in my family. Since moving outta ohio-- a year ago?-- I've been making little stories about my life, to keep close and try and not let them forget me. This is the 1st one I'm putting out into the world. Fair warning- its pretty smooshy}

AND my mama told me... she'd be putting out house on the market as soon as next spring. that's under a year. I spent the first... 19?... years of my life at my mamas house. My first memory- my dad pushing me on the red swing set in the back yard. the bedroom i shared with my sister- when it had one peptobismal pink wall and she would throw all of the things i left on the floor on top of me and my bed, when i was trying (pretending?) to sleep. now it sits mostly empty- with blazin' red walls- filled with all the things morgan didn't want enough to take with her. the downstairs bathroom- where used to be the only place anyone could be alone- is now one of two bathrooms (sorta...). The barn in the backyard- that seemed like a fair refuge to run to after a car pulled over after the dirver got hit by mulberries we were throwing at cars from the tree. The no-longer chicken coop my dad burnt down- without knocking it down first- resulting in one of the times the fire department had to come to our house. the front garden that katie cepec and i pulled out a bunch of plants- when we were trying to help my mama weed. the tree that turns such magnificent colors that you see it well down the road in the fall- marking our turn well before you could see the road.

{family photo- i was probably 4 years old}

I haven't lived there- really- in 5 years. Its a home for me, but more so- it's a place. with stories- both the kind you write about (in a blog) and the ones you don't really want to remember much. It's a place that helped me grow up. It used to be home to 2 adults, 4 children, and uh... 3 large indoor dogs and a cat. Now, it's the home of my mama-- (and in january, maybe it'll be my home place for abit, again). But- she'll sell it, she'll move. Her new house? Sure, I bet it'll become a home for me- after all- my mama will live there- but my house- sitting on the corned of 229 and peru twp rd... might change into just a space. but probably not- it'll always be a place.

{my two elder siblings and i-- in maybe--- 1991 or so}

While in Ohio- I really prioritized people in my life. I got to spend a lotta time with my family, and a lotta time with mattie. I went to Emmas really fun graduation party- and got to see her family for the first time in a while. I saw Kate, my soon to be married friend who I hadn't seen- since well before leaving athens. I hung out and talked politics and revolution with miss dawson, will klatt, and aaron. I enjoyed a delightful lunch with my friend leslie- at her parents home (i always LOVE meeting the parents of my friends, and seeing the home they grew up in). I went to a highschool reunion (sorta).

{Lunch on the bank of Alum Creek- I went Kayaking with emma and papabear for about 4 hours, and followed i up the next day by canoeing behind my sisters house- the scioto- with mattie and a potential housemate, sean}

After meeting Kate and fantozi for lunch- I went over to Fantozi's parents house- and got to see Kates beautiful wedding dress, and their super cute Shasta. They bought and renovated an old Shasta to take on their honeymoon. They are SO cute. I'm so sad I can't make it to their wedding... which is gonna be hella cute--- family style pasta and homemade pies!?--but I'm so excited for them--- other than their move to Wyoming- which--- is just too far...

{The soon to be married Kate and Fantozi- with their honeymoon shasta}

And after being in Ohio- for ten days- I felt nothing but love for that place. I love seeing people I know when I walk down the street, being close enough to my family that if my sister had her baby- I could easily make her dinner, watch her boys, and meet the newest addition. I love seeing friends- and catching up with each other and feeling the comfort you only get with people who already know you- and are your friends because they know you. I love knowing exactly how much and when i need to break when i go around a curve, and not needing to know street names because i just know where i'm going. i love waking up and making my mama breakfast, picking berries with babies and wrestling them in a field of firefllies. i love being next to mattie and getting a chance to get to know columbus. i love day dreaming about moving there, getting a job, and doing lots and lots of listening while i try and figure out- how i can help stop fracking.

{babies eating smores. How did eating smores get cute?!}

and i love being in maine- at the hive. i've been here just about a week- and while only my toes seem to have actually landed- i'm excited for the rest of my feet to plant themselves.

{first dinner at the grange- made with extra love by miss erin}

And- believe it or not-- I once again have a new nephew to day dream about- Fritz Todd. (no photos have been seen... yet)


i'm so lucky and so heartbroken. all at once.