hopefull

during a plan columbia presentation (beehive), they talked about how a lot of folks in that area said getting together and playing music and dancing is how they dealt with fucked up shit in their lives. the bees said how they at first thought they were kidding, that they were dealing with chainsaw mass murders, large scale livelihood and cultural degradation, and the challenge of staying alive with music and dancing?

i can't say i know those challenges, or anything comparable, but it's not crazy to think that dancing with people and making music to fit your culture is crazy. this weekend- at crabb fest- really made that hit home. it felt so good to dance and rage and push and be pushed to get hit and get hugged and feel happiness swelling inside and have the happiness and love of others be almost tangible. you could almost reach your arm out and touch it, it was so thick.

but even more than great music and wondrous dancing, was just seeing so many folks who are who they are, regardless of their age or how long they've been 'doing it.' being in school, and taking part in a radical student culture, i've seen a lot of folks 'drop out.' their reasons, i don't know, and i don't want to pretend that i do or imply they are wrong. it could be as simple as they weren't having fun anymore or it didn't make sense to them. but no matter what, it is really disheartening. it makes it feel like it's not possible to continue for the rest of our lives. maybe there's a reason most punks, hippies, radicals, whatever- are young. it only gets harder and there are fewer and fewer folks your age to support you in your own personal fight. and cindy has served me as an example of someone who keeps going, and not only keeps going, but as max sings about in his song about her and caty- they keep loving it. it's not an obligation, or not wanting to 'drop out' or anything else. it's that they love it. so, to be there to celebrate cindy's 40th birthday and have other folks from across the country- of all ages (literally a 1 month year old to 45+)- really makes your heart swell. and it makes me know that it is possible. we don't have to give up. out love for each other and deep seeded desire to build a better community and a better place to live- is not in vain and we shouldn't feel obligated to normalize ourselves once we get older. i picked up a copy of 'rad dad' (#17), and am so excited to read it. dads, mothers, sisters, AUNTS, daughters- whatever- we can all be rad. no matter what is happening in our lives and where we are at a given time- we can still have this love, and this fight.




as i was bouncing around- smashing into people and be smashed back into- i thought- what am i doing? this makes me so happy. there is no crabb fest, no brown town, no spooktober, no snarlas, no bright effs in rock creek, wv. and not even really in machias, maine. but, maybe that's the point. maybe i wont' have this for a while, maybe it won't even be here when i return- but maybe that's ok. maybe i can go off an start something somewhere. connect with other folks who feel the same way, start my own punk band (!). after all, one thing doris has taught me- is to go explore. find yourself and your community. create new communities, meet new people and never loose the ones who are your core.

conversations

conversation with my mother:
(walk through the door)
How short is it?

How short is what?

Your hair, did you shave your head?

What? No?

(walk into living room)

Oh. That's not so short. Its kinda nice.

Ha- did I tell you I was cutting my hair?

No. But you said you had something to show me so I assumed you shaved your head. Did you get a tattoo?

No...

A piercing?

No...

Oh geez. What then?

haha...
(leave and walk back in the room with a banjo, to play her the first song I learned. little does she know my hair is now shorter than it was then- and will get even shorter soon)

conversation with nels:
Molly! mumble mumble

Nels, I'm making lunch, come in here to talk to me

molly...

nels, come talk to me.

Molly... mumble

Ah. Nels
(walks into other room)

we're stuck in the dog cage!

ahahahaaha! I guess thats a good reason to not come talk to me...


conversation with my mother (and father):
(at dinner)
Is that a watch?

yup.

Why are you wearing a watch? so you can see what time it is when you're on a bike, and be more safe by not using your phone? Just tell me that so I don't think you use your phone on you're bike.

Well no, it's part of my getting ready to not have a cell phone anymore.

WHAT!?

Well- in the fall- i'll get rid of it.

(continues shocked look)

I mean, I won't have service in the valley. and it won't make sense for me to use part of my 0 dollar salary to pay for a phone with no service.

I guess so.

Father: so, will you use a payphone to call us?

(haha- society with no cell phone= an unknown world)

baking in our underwear

got to hang out with my nephews this weekend.

baked a cake for my sister (their mothers) birthday.











i'm gong to miss these kids. so. so. much this summer.

bike co-op

So the Athens Bike Co-Op is super cool, and I feel they are pretty under appreciated (I for one, under appreciate them). But they are super great, and do great stuff for our community. Just a shout out.

Also, they recently posted some useful Bike stuff online, and wanted to pass it on.

and for cars

keepin it positive

it's been a really challenging day (namely- the information that my lawyer has dropped my g20 case without leaving me enough time to get a public defender. cool.) but, i also realize that this day ruiner is just a bump, but really shits pretty wonderful.

a) spending so many days and evenings with wonderful friends. drinking beers, riding bikes, eating food, watching movies, gardening, having sleepovers.

b) i am feeling confident in my ability to move to wv in the fall and have things work out well there- including the exciting news that i can (and will) make the case for having a bed i call my own (with sheets!) and that can happen, there can be an increase in vegetables within the meals, car insurance can in one way or another be covered, and committing to 1 year with a 3 month check in (to further commit to a full 2 years) is totally reasonable and great.

c) while i keep saying i have faith in things, like the justice system to figure its shit out and not find me guilt or that my lawyer situation would work out, and then realize it was wildly misplace- my faith in my family being there unconditionally and no matter what has once again proven to be rightfully placed and justified. my mother is so wonderful.

d) my paperwork for graduation has gone through and i believe i got a passport in the mail (well- my mothers mail)

books

i was recently asked to come up with a book list for a friend. so here is what i have:


lost mountain by eric reese
a nonfiction account of the life and death of a mountain. it starts with a mountain who has just been permitted for MTR mining and follows it through that process- to its death. It also has some great naratives about folks living with that mountain. this book is why i care about mtr if that tells you anything.



assatta by assatta shakur
an insanely amazing book about assata shakur- who was a black revolutionary and was involved with the black panthers. it is one of those books that makes you question everything you ever read in a history text book and really opens the door to black struggles, especially within the 'justice system.' it's really accessible and easy to read, it's written like someone talking to you, not someone writing you a manifesto.






the monkey wrench gang by edward abbey
this one is fictional and about a group of folks out west who pick up monkey wrenching (sabatage) in the name of environmental protection. its good stuff, not 'educational' but a fun read and one that sort of lets you delve into issues of justification of our actions.


doris (anthology) by cindy crabb
a complication of zines and its so great. the way its written is frank and lets you think about things alot and reflect on your own life while hearing adventures and trials of someone elses life. really good (and an easy one to read a few pages at a a time, or read all night long with a cup of coffee).








nonviolent communication by marshall b rosenberg
this one is sort of akward to start reading. its written in a 'self help' way (or so i imagine) and at first was a little much for me. but the content is really great and i think i took a lot out of it. i think it would be best to read with housemates or friends so you could all practice together, because its such a different way of communicating i feel like i would have benefited from doing that. but even with that sort of awkward not very positive sounding note, i really do suggest reading it.


fighting back in appalachia edited by stephen l fisher

this one is a compilation of essays/articles about resistance in appalachia. i haven't read all of it, but have really enjoyed some of them and feel like its really applicabale and there are lessons to be learned from it. my favorite so far was Racism and Organizing in Appalachia which brought up some really powerful ideas of never avoiding hard topics and always confronting and working against things like racism, even when the cause we're working towards might seem unconnected (because really- it's not).




strange as this weather has been by ann pancake
a really wonderful fictional story that feel very based in reality (and i'm pretty positive it is). a story of a wv family dealing with mtr, and the personal struggles that take place in that process. this book for real made me cry, like really hard.




soil not oil by vandana shiva
vandana shiva is one of those people put into the hero category, so i'm a little prejudice. but, this book takes the time to connect issues of food production with climate change while focusing on environmental justice and the solutions to both climate change, food security, and poverty.







the vulneravle planet by john bellamy foster and the bridge at the end of the world by james speth
both of these books look at the global economic system and how that is leading us towards an ecological collapse beyond our control. ultimately, they both make the case for drastic overhauls of the world as we know it, in order to preseve the possibility of life in the future. they're both really good, and i couldn't decide which one to focus on, so i just went for both. (vulnerable plant is shorter and maybe more accessible)



democracy matters by cornell west
i find cornell west's language a little hard to digest and had to take some time reading this one. but he's an insanely smart guy and really lays out the need to go back to a better and more real democratic way. when i read it, i was also reading assatta, which was a great counter balance.




making things and doing stuff edited by kyle bravo
this isn't really a 'reading' book but a compilation of diy guides. in a way, these are things you can probably find online- but some of them i would never think to look up- and its nice to have things in print. everything from making beer, book binding, shoe repair, dildos and tips for traveling.





there are a lot of things here that are missing. you can see a pretty clear theme- environmental issues- which means that many things are missing. I feel like women/gender, native american and latin american issues are big holes not being addressed at all here. hopefully i'll get better at educating myself, and my post graduation reading list (which is still in the works) can be a good resource to delve into some readings on those issues.

abandoned

after several hours of discussion with a dear friend this weekend, some things have really been on my mind. mostly, what i see as the impending doom that is our future, globally but also in the united states. i'm no 2012 believer, but all signs are telling me, life as we know it is on its way out.


the international energy administration (iea)- which from my understanding is a fairly conservative international organization- has changed its expected global peak oil date from 2020 to 2012 this past winter. we are so far from any sort of post oil consumptive society, and remain so dependent on oil for our basic needs (like food), that a steady increase in oil prices really will likely have detrimental effects on life as we know it. on security, well being, our ability to survive.


we've seen more and more extreme natural disasters. like the 8.8 earthquake in chile, or the 7.0 in haiti. we're had volcanic ash turning europe into a tunnel of darkness (yet, the only discussion about it is the ability to fly. why is that?). flooding, drought, heat waves.


man made disasters. like the oil spill in the gulf of mexico that will undoubtedly contribute to the unreal rate of extinction we're currently seeing across our world.



all of this to say, it's scary. we've been raised our whole life being told if we go to school, get an education, a job, a house, a steady income- that we'll be fine. we'll have everything we need. we'll be comfortable and never hungry. in fact, we'll need a membership to a gym because we'll be eating so much it will make us ill. but what happens when that isn't true? when a college degree won't mean anything (does it now?) other than 4 years spent learning things that won't help me and those i love survive. what good does learning about microbes or the history of the environmental movement do if i can't grow my own food and preserve it? if i don't know how to fix a whole in the roof, or build a house without store bought oil made products (or with them, for the matter)? if i can't take care of my basic needs (which, i can't) what can i do?


and in a way, what am i doing working on coal issues? i feel like we've already lost the battle. i feel like it's too late. while i do believe we should still try, try for sake of that chance i'm wrong and things will be fine, fight to preserve our dignity, fight because we don't know what else to do. but in that process, are we also failing to prepare for this impending doom? this apocalypse? if folks (like me) in the valley can't provide for themselves, then to what effect is it to stop exploitative coal mining practices? i fully intend on doing everything within my power to improve this world, and the world to come, and feel like my future endeavors are part of that. but is it short sited to fight coal issues? are we so far gone that we should work on food security? (i'm not sure).

feeling pessimistic on this raining may day (the day after the under celebrated may day), i'm preparing to delve into studying. to spend several hours of my day, and days to come, preparing for a multiple choice test that will give me access (or prevent access) to a piece of paper that society has placed so much value on (a diploma). the expectations are telling me, get your degree. and get it with a high gpa. higher education is the cause we're fighting for. you need it to get by. but now that i've spent (wasted?) four years working towards this piece of paper, was it worth it?



'the schools we are going to are reflections of the society that created them. nobody is going to give you the education you need to overthrow them. nobody is going to teach you your true history, teach you your true heroes, if they know that that knowlwdge will help set you free. schools in amerika are interested in brainwashing people with amerikanism, giving them a little bit of education, and training them in skills they need to fill the positions the capitalist system requires. as long as we expect amerika's school to educate us, we will remain ignorant'

(Assata: an autobiography- by Assatta Shakur)