as long as it keeps going 'round its unbelievable

for the past few weeks i've been in a funk. Like, where nothing seems really great. I guess nothing seemed really awful either though. I think the best way I can describe it is by thinking about last weekend. There was a burlesque show that I had wanted to go to and was really looking forward to. But come Friday night, I didn't really want to go. I really wanted to want to go. But, I just couldn't make myself want to be there. So, I didn't go.

That's just how I was feeling. Not sad, but not happy. I'm someone who is filled with emotions- granted the lows can be pretty low- but man oh man do the highs make up for it. And the highs are so much more common than the lows. But for a couple weeks, I wasn't able to really feel much of anything. I knew I felt numb but didn't know how to stop and start feeling again.

I tried everything I could think of. I cooked and baked like a maniac. I cleaned. I planned. I read. I went outside. I rode my bike around. I worked out. I ate great food. I slept. And I just couldn't really pull myself into caring.

And I don't know what pulled me out of it, but either way, I realized today I am out. No more funk. I'm ready to go. Yesterday, I made an hour by hour to-do list and I only didn't accomplish the reading of one article (which means, I read 3 chapters of a book, found 4 articles, read 1 article, wrote a summary, decorated a cake, made dinner, cleaned my room, was on the osec call, and went for a morning hike!)
And today, I made a lengthy to-do list for the week. Motiation: If I get my shit done I can really enjoy hanging out with my nephews on our vacation in two weeks!
This week to Do:
- finish Pop Geog article summaries (3 to go)
- finish Bridge at the End of the World
- finish Bios Web project
- write outline for paper on place (and read all articles in order to do that)
- research 2 grant opportunities for OSEC

and work 15 hours, go to school, and go to the osec retreat at least one day (and make dinner 3 times, and one outdoor activity)

I can totally do it.